[Critique Group 1] My Comments For The Jauary Submissions

[bonnie blose]

I am late with these because of ongoing computer difficulty. Here are my comments and suggestions for the pieces submitted and discussed in our January group meeting. 

 

 

Cleora,

The Groove in the Ceiling

I would change a couple tenses and explain in a little more detail how they decided to give you the tree. 

I loved the struggle you experienced in making a decision which would ordinarily have been one your father would have made. I especially loved your description of fitting the tree in to the room. This works well with your need to make the decision to accept the tree your father would have made I just mentioned.  I loved this piece and hope you will publish it somewhere. 

Comments For Mary-Jo                                                                                                                       

This is apiece with which anyone can identify. Thoughts vanish in to days that disappear. It is beautifully written and I would consider using meanderings or musings in the title. Perhaps Mental Wanderings might be a title you could consider.  

For Marilyn,

Your description and detail were top notch. As I read, I felt I was right there as you were determining  not just the severity of the situation but what you would have to do to handle it.  Although I thought an updated version of the experience might be worth pursuing at first, I believe it is fine as it is. Little could really be updated. Maybe an entirely new piece about the handling of a crisis  would be a possibility. 

For Deanna,

Your piece shows how important a foundation is when things happen which upset life taking away our comfort and peace of mind. No matter how much is lost, the foundation you count on is always there and can be relied upon.   Bonnie Blose, 
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group1/attachments/20170211/25bec58d/attachment.html>