[Critique Group 1] Our meeting on August 23rd

[DQ Noriega]

Hello all,

I will not be able to attend Wednesday as I am state secretary of the
Missouri Council of the Blind and our president has called a board meeting
at the time we are supposed to come together for our critique session for
August. So, I am attaching my comments to this message below my signature.

. I apologize. If you choose to critique my piece, I will try to listen to
the recording.

Warm Regards and regrets,

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Quieth2o at charter.net

 

Mary JO

Anonymous

Whimsical, I liked it. When in my mid-thirties I was described as the little
blind girl. I had a friend who had cropped short dark hair and worked with a
golden retriever guide dog and was overweight. I was petite, had long dark
hair and worked a large black Labrador. People in stores seemed to insist on
addressing us as each other. This little poem is a charming lighthearted way
of mentioning that people don't really pay attention to identifiers. Well
done!

 

Cleora

I.D. Mate, we know this device, but a sighted reader would need an
explanation. (A device for scanning barcodes and if the item isn't in the
database, the user can record a description of it.)

At first, I was unsure if the caregiver was barefoot or Becky. It might be
better to say, Becky typed in notes on her talking computer, or computer
that magnified what she wrote as her caregiver assisted her by putting socks
and shoes on her feet.

I think the first ending fits best with the epilogue. If you want to use the
second ending, I would leave out the epilogue as some of it is repetitious.

Kevin,

Trading Aunt Sally

There is a marked difference in the description of the relatives and the
high flown description of the events. I am not sure this works.

word . You need to remove the space between word and the period. 

That `quite the grave accent seems out of place.

 

Marcia

I seem to be missing your piece, if you send it to me again, I will write to
you off list.

D.Q.N. 

 

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