[Critique Group 1] Comments For April 4 Critique Session

[Bonnie Blose]

While There Is Life

Cleora

If you mentioned less about vission so this piece would have more emphasis
on gardening, I think you would have more success in its being accepted by a
publication dealing with that subject. If your were writing about yourself
as a blind individual learning how to plant and nurture plants, the emphasis
placed on blindness would be better served if the piece was being considered
by a publication dealing with topics of visual impairment. I would change
the the following sentence. "Success may be the next try." I think there
might be a stronger more effective way to say that. 

 

We Meet

Deanna

I would suggest you explain how long you had this dog. Perhaps it would be
better to say how many years you had her or why the time was short if it was
just several years. 

I loved the humor in this piece. The energy of the dog came through well and
left me with a picture of her personality. Your explanation of previous pets
was well done as was the history of the school and how you thought the dog
would add to your independence.

The ending was filled with humor and desire to trust  based   on history of
the school. We learn about how Seeing Eye got started right along with your
movement toward making this life changing decision to get a guide dog. 

 

Bonnie Blose,   

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