[Critique Group 1] Submission for September 14 critique session

[Marilyn Smith]

Hi all,


Are we on target for the 14th? If not, you'll just have this a bit early.


A local newsletter distributed in many restaurants offers advertising 
space to local companies for a fee. About once a year they run a contest 
for articles supporting as many of the local businesses advertising as 
possible. This will be my entry, although if some advertisers drop out 
before the deadline I could have to change a word or two. Our only 
guideline is that the story or article has to reflect a week in the life 
of a family. Sorry this is a complicated explanation, but I thought it 
was needed.


Enjoy!


Marilyn


Lights Out, Love’s In
by Marilyn Brandt Smith

My name is Mamie, and I'm just about the friendliest black lab mama dog 
you ever saw. I belong to the Smith family, along with my honey, Finley. 
He's quite a hunk as guy dogs go, and our puppies make a few extra bucks 
for Mom, Dad, and the twins, Tricia and Kevin. Wonder how many there'll 
be this time?

Last Monday night they were watching the news on Dish Network from 
All-Pro Satellite and chowing down on some yummy pizza. It was Pizza Hut 
week. They take turns among all their favorites, Papa John's, Papa 
Murphy's, Bearno's, and more. We were sprawled in everybody's way, 
hoping for a crumb or better, knowing we'd get Kevin's olives. Our usual 
yankee weather dude told us the Ohio Valley was in for a dangerous storm 
with wind, rain, lightning, and all the trimmings.

"Better check all the windows and batten down the hatches before we hit 
the sack," Dad advised.

"I'll check the camper and the cars," Kevin promised, picking up the 
pizza boxes, "and I'll toss these in the trash on my way out."

"Hurry!" Mom squealed as we heard the first distant clap of thunder.

I get jumpy with thunder and lightning, so I snuggled up to Finley. We 
always sleep warm and dry in the basement, but some of our neighborhood 
buddies wouldn't be as lucky.

********************

I'm Tricia, and I had a hard time getting to sleep after the storm broke 
loose. If it's really bad, maybe they'll cancel school? It isn't very 
nice to wish for that, is it?

I woke up three or four times to bright lightning and the sound of stuff 
crashing around and blowing up against the house. When I peeked under my 
frilly canopy I saw what I thought was a huge man outside my window. 
Then I realized it was the sycamore tree in our back yard waving way too 
close to the house. Should I hurry down stairs, wake up Dad?

I reached the kitchen when I heard the tree crash. Glass broke, and the 
lights went out. Mom came running.

"No telling when we'll get the electricity back," she said almost in 
tears. "Your room... You can't sleep there tonight. Dad's looking for 
some plywood for the windows. He said it got the fence too. Wonder about 
the phone?"

"I'll sleep in the basement," I offered, "Mamie and Finley would be good 
company tonight."

********************

Dad here. If Diana, my wife, hadn't been a nurse, I wouldn't have found 
myself Tuesday morning at Baptist Urgent Care. She kept insisting, 
"Richard Blair from Anthem has us covered; you might have a concussion; 
you have to be checked out." Finally I let her drive me.

"Kevin is going to give me grief," I laughed. "I'm always telling him to 
be careful, not take on something beyond his ability. So what do I do, 
set a good example by trying to get that tree off the compressor."

"Well," Diana said gently massaging the goose egg above my right ear, 
"at least you carry your own little football around."

The doctors and techs said I was alright, so they let us go home.

The kids were happy to be out of school, texting and trying out new 
interactive games with their friends. "I brought home grub," I announced 
as I came in from the carport and tried not to see the "Gotcha" look in 
Kevin's smile. I dropped the bags of McDonald's breakfast fixings and 
Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the kitchen table, and slipped the sandwiches 
from Jersey Mike's and a Honeybaked Ham into the fridge. "Mom won't be 
cooking without the range, so enjoy."

********************

Mom, trying to cope. Kevin and Dennis got my fridge and freezer hooked 
up to the camper's generator. Powering the chargers for phones and 
laptops was the next priority. Most of the schools and businesses in our 
part of town expected to have power return soon, but the residential 
areas were another story because of the wind damage. We called T’s Trees 
to remove the monster, Chism’s Fencing for repairs, and asked Metro1 
Heating and Cooling to check the compressor for damage, and get us ready 
for the winter after the tree was moved.

By Tuesday night we needed to feel normal, so we polled our favorite 
restaurants to see who had power. Lonnie's Best Taste of Chicago and 
Mark's Feed Store were two of the choices, so we flipped a coin. We had 
barbecue, which suited me just fine since I was a Texas gal before 
Dennis came along. Kevin said he’d grab his favorite Lonnie’s dogs for 
lunch as soon as school starts back.

On Wednesday Dennis went back to work, and the kids' high school was 
open, minus a few wind-damaged classrooms. The neighbors let me do some 
cooking on their gas stove, and T’s Trees cleared the yard. Glenn Martin 
from Auto-Owners' Insurance put us in touch with his claims adjusters.

At 6:17 PM, we had lights!

********************

Ok, it's the dude twin's turn. Tricia and I got off the school bus on 
Thursday, and I hurried to the basement. I had a feeling Mamie was about 
to be a mom for the third time, and I was right. Mom said they were born 
that afternoon while Metro1 Heating and Air was checking out the 
compressor. We decided to name the two females Windy and Gale, and the 
males, Donder and Blitzen, since the storm was still on our minds. The 
new owners might not like our choices, but we could love them better if 
we gave them names. They could always be changed.

Dad and I moved the camper from the back parking pad to the street so 
fence repairs could be done on Friday. We noticed there was awning and 
roof damage, so Dad left a message for Salty Paws Marine and RV about 
bringing in the camper.

Tricia had a sleepover Friday night. Mom and Dad wanted to stay home and 
watch the Dish, play with the new puppies, and recover from the week 
over country baskets and blizzards from Dairy Queen. My buds and I hit a 
KFC before the big high school game.

********************

Trisha ringing the doorbell, yay, it works! Saturday when I got home 
from my sleepover at Beth's, Mom told me Dad had to leave the camper for 
repair, so the three of us went to pick him up. We all thought it would 
be fun to work off some of the storm stress at Snap Fitness. We hit Back 
Yard Burger’s on our way home. Mom said this week had been like a 
housewife's dream about eating out. Dad reminded her it wasn't a 
homeowner's dream, but thanks to good community and business support, 
we'd made it through with a minimum of inconveniences. The pastor gave 
us a gentle reminder on Sunday that we had more to be thankful for than 
to complain about.

Mom made home-cooked Sunday dinner. Dad and Kevin grabbed the remote for 
the NFL on the Dish.

Mom and I ordered new glamorous goodies from Avon, and took Finley for a 
run in the park since Mamie was getting all the attention. We stopped at 
Great Clips for touch-ups.

Kevin and I will be seventeen next month. College lies just around the 
corner for me. Kevin will be starting at the UPS Store, following in 
Dad's footsteps. Leaving the nest is a strong call, but Louisville and 
family will keep us coming home.