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<p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_GoBack"></a> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dear Group 2 writer friends--and patient
friends,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Alas!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Below are my comments from
our critique
session on October 29.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad
poem
"The Pastures of Summer"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a wonderful title that will certainly
draw in many
readers to the poem!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I suggest changing the period to a comma
after:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"holy day of Litha,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem has a good opening segment to draw
readers into a
promised adventure.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Once again, I suggest changing a period to a
comma after the
following two lines:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"I rode forth,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"stretching to the far horizon,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Add commas around the strong and descriptive
parenthetical
phrase:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"a barrier, like a thickening of air,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place comma after:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"still as we rode on,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This lovely "winter-to-summer" poem ends
effectively with a quotation from Litha.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks to your poetic effort, I learned<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>more about Litha.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">** 2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Joan's
poem
"Kaddish"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem effectively and creatively uses a
three-part
organization.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A highly poetic and interesting line is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"drop down into crystals of unformed glass"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Part one deals with the rhythm of life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the first line of Part 2, delete the first
word:
"and."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An outstanding line is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"prism of mystic moonlight"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Like the poem, we learn or realize that
prayer has rhythm.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In Part 3, the reader encounters the unique
phrase of
"birthing and burying."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Dancing and dreaming" is another creative
paired
incorporated into this poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A later theme touched on in this poem is of
"children
going and returning"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The prayer poem ends reverently with "in your
abundant
name."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3. Leonard's poem "I Remember Schindler"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While I realize the quotations may not be
exact--direct
quotations--some poetic license may be considered so that
quotation marks will
facilitate the reading.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I suggest deleting the "ing" to switch from
the
participle to the present tense of the verb in the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"defending it" to "defend"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"protecting" to "protect it"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Will I then be a patriot?"<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>OR</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Would I then be a patriot?"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A hyphen may be needed in the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"great grandchildren" to
"great-grandchildren"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing "And" at onset of line to
"Also" as follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Also, I think of whistleblowers."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This political poem meets its purpose of
persuasion.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie's
poem
"Nine"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An outstanding simile of this poem is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"brown autumn leaves gather like memories"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How interesting that the poet chose brown
autumn leaves,
rather than crimson, orange, or gold!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A couple of bad line breaks are probably due
to the
Net-by-phone system</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The final line of the poem is, as usual for
this poet, very
good.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With the title of "Nine," I am prompted to
suggest
a similar poem in the form of a diamonte, with the ninth line
being the middle
line and having eight lines above and below this mid-line #9.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem effectively explores the theme of
how the survivor
changes while one wonders if the one lost remains exactly the
same as last seen
on Earth; the reader is prompted to ponder the years spent
apart.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This relatively simple poem is made powerful
and special
with its tender and thought-provoking qualities.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>At
this
time of Thanksgiving, I am so thankful for our sharing of poetry
and other
writings last month, the past years, tonight, and in the future.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thanks for all of the
stimulating
conversations and all of your critiques!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Until later this evening,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">sending you all a cornucopia of wonderful
wishes for a Happy
Thanksgiving,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Alice--and Willow, too!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:ajm321kh@wi.rr.com">ajm321kh@wi.rr.com</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">November 21, 2019, Thursday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
</p>
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