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<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dear Group Two writer friends,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Before
I
finally share the critiques from our September meeting, I want
to let you know
that I will be unable to attend a session on October 24,
Thursday.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am uncertain
if October 31, Halloween, may
be an alternate date for our next critique session.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Although I believe we met
on Halloween
previously, I believe Joan was not yet a part of our group then.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just thought I would give
you all a little
"heads up" concerning upcoming dates.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Now,
for
the critiques from August 29!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Joan's
poem:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"The Faithful One"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What
a
puzzler of a poem the poet has given us to decipher, and we do
like a
challenge!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>While I was
off base with my
quest for knowing who was "The Faithful One," I do like the
title and
the poetic detective work to determine who is "The Faithful
One."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>"Shoeless"
as a one-word first line is an intriguing and powerful
attention-grabbing
opening for this poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>With
the
line "claim your place," the poem makes an interesting turn.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>My
favorite
section of the poem was the creative "flower section."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"daisies whisper/the iris glistens/the lilies
dream"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Revise the typo--the capital letter "Y"
within the
word "easily" should be lower case.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although I was incorrect in thinking the
"Faithful
One" was a hummingbird or honey bee, this challenging poem still
flourishes with a unique and creative flair.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some punctuation may assist the reader,
especially the oral
reader, in reading aloud the poem; however, I do realize that
the poet may
prefer a different purpose for her writing.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie's
poem:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>""Girl on a
Corner"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although this memoir poem is stellar, I do
recommend a
revision to the first line to avoid the misinterpretation of the
parents
sounding as if they are fifteen.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>I
suggest:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"When I was fifteen, my parents ...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I compliment the good word choice of the verb
in "the
wind buffeted."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing the participles to past
tense verbs:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"staring" to "stared"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"lifting" to "lifted"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Hot pink" is a good choice of color
description.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Other good descriptive phrases include:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"wide arc around her"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"shivered with flimsy clothes"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the line "she was a doll," the pronoun has
an
unclear antecedent:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>the
preceding noun
is "mother."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thus, I
suggest
the following revision:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"The lady in hot pink was a doll."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A superb use of questions about the young
woman's identity, age,
name, food on that day--all show the caring of the poet.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Good description of action with the line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Mother yanked away her daughter."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The stunningly excellent final line of the
poem brings forth
the contrast between the freedom represented by our nation's
capital and the
lack of freedom of this young woman.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poetic vignette is quite memorable and
is a realistic
portrayal of a moment in time.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3. Leonard's poem:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>"The Trap of Knowing"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The strong title of this poem matches the
sound and strong
qualities of the content of the poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This treatise on the "realm of absolutes"
begins
well with a very attention-grabbing opening.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Using the verb "buttresses" is a very good
word
choice which further supports the weight of this poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One suggestion is that the line with the
cliche "pull
the rug out from under me" could be deleted without affecting
the content
of the poem; thus, a cliche could be omitted.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When the poet writes of his protectiveness of
his masters, I
wonder if a double meaning arises to indicate additionally the
poet's upholding
his T'ai Chi masters and their beliefs and teachings.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When the sword of truth or ignorance is
introduced, I notice
a turn in the content of the poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The final line is both important and
intriguing:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"enter into the realm of absolutes." </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem well and successfully addresses the
question
"What is the trap of knowing?" and demonstrates the intellectual
and
thoughtful nature of the poet.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad's
poem:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Vercingetorix"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem is an amazing history lesson and
makes very good
use of the couplet form.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a wonderful teacher the poet must have
had in the sixth
grade to recall this history lesson so clearly!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Also, three cheers for the poet's public school!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The poet's sixth-grade
lesson becomes a
history lesson for all of his readers.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am pleased that the poet chose to share a
poem which he
had initially written during National Poetry Month.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Three suggestions involve deleting a
conjunction at the
onset of a line.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Delete
"and"
So (or "Thus,") several times, he won.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Delete the "but" conjunction at the onset of
the
line to have:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"in the end, wiley Caesar did prevail."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Delete the conjunction "for" so that the line
reads:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"when all is said, the king did fail."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The other conjunctions at the onset of lines
are acceptable.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks for sharing your impressive knowledge
of history with
us!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With gratitude for another wonderful evening
of poetry
sharing</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">and appreciation for the critiques which you
already sent to me,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:ajm321kh@wi.rr.com">ajm321kh@wi.rr.com</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">September 12, 2019, Thursday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
</p>
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