<div style="font-size:10pt;font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif;color:black;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">I made a lot of suggestions, <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">but when I finished I decided you should ignore
all of them.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">Technically speaking, the suggestions hold some
merit, but taken as a whole,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">they
detract from the flavor.</font><font size="3"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">When making a soup, sometimes you throw things in
without knowing quite why, <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">but they just make it taste better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">The poem, as it stands, creates an experience. <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">It does so beautifully, even though<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">the experience is not one I would wish on
anyone<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">.Keep writing the way you write.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">After I made all of my comments, and several days
later , <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">it occurred to me that you<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">were probably writing about your recent
loss.</font><font size="3"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Under those circumstances, my comments seem
insensitive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">I decided to leave them<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">as they are because if they treat the poem purely
as a litterary piece.</font><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font size="3"> </font></span><font size="3">There might be
value in that.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Gone Away<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">The undertaker
has gone away.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Mama is resting
in the parlor.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">And what would
daddy say?<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">This is all too
much for her.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">But I walk in a
dream,<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">What does ‘but’ negate? Maybe you should ditch it.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">some strange
Southern lady<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Who still
inhabits her family home<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">with her widowed
mother and sisters.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Our brother is
gone,<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Consider , “Our brother Ned is gone.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Elliminate the last line in this stanza.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Actually, you don’t have to name the brother at
all. <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">No other family members are named<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">taken away in the
new blue suit<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Jimmy Robbins
picked out for him.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Our brother ned.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">A case can be made<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></font><font size="3">for this last emphasis line. <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">Consider Using an adjective<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">describing the brother</font><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font size="3"> </font></span><font size="3">like , ‘Our young brother . <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">In that way this last line wouldn’t seem<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">so unnecessary . <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">It would be felt like another nail in the coffin, <o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">or an emphasis to the dazed state of the writer.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">And like
memories, words<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">Arguably, you don’t need ‘and’.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">swwirl into me<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">I love these two lines.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></span></o:p></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">As I sit in the
dining room<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">sipping lemonade.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font face="Times New Roman"><font size="3">This verse is very powerful. I’m there<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></font><font size="3">and I can sense</font><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><font size="3"> </font></span><font size="3">the emotional ambiance.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></u></b></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">The undertaker
has gone away,<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">and Ned is
wearing his new blue suit.<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">What would Daddy
say?<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;"><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">This is all too
much<o:p></o:p></font></font></span></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><o:p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"> </font></o:p></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">
</font></div>