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<p>Below is my feedback for all the pieces from last night's
meeting. Again, it's been fun, and I'll miss you all. I hope you
have continued success as a group. Good luck finding someone to
replace me.</p>
<p>***</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Valerie, I had to read this poem three times
before I could
understand its meaning. I think it's interesting how you compare
bleak moments
in your life to a forest. I like how you end the poem on a note
of hope.<span class="DefaultParagraphFont1"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">***</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Brad, in your second line, delete the comma
after
"ship." In the next line, change "sailing" to
"sails." Those two lines should then read like this.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="Normal0">this weary traveler’s ship, </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">sails through dark unknown seas.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When you say, "Is it my star to steer bye?"
you
don't need the letter E at the end of "by."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the following line, "homecoming" is one
word,
and I'm not sure why you're using the word "scarce."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">this scarce imagined home coming?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the following line, try "appearing"
instead of
"resolving."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Resolving out of night, the ancient doc takes
shape.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I love the ending.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">***</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Leonard, in this line,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span
style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times
New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi">humming hymns to Vulcan’s </span>ardor.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">who is Vulcan? Maybe this should be more
clear.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Otherwise, I like the imagery and comparison
between the
stove and space heater. This poem makes a good point about no
longer using wood
stoves because they supposedly pollute the air.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">***</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Alice, in this line, <span
style="font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:
Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New
Roman";mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi">"elegantly
keeping clear the </span>path—was change "keeping" to
"keep." Then, to avoid the redundancy of using "path" and
"trail" close together and in keeping with the acrostic form,
try
this.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span
style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times
New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi">elegantly keep clear </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span
style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times
New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi">the trail of holiday hope and
love.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span
style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times
New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span
style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times
New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi">I love the ending with the
hope that the
serviceman comes home for the holidays.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></span></p>
</p>
<div class="moz-signature">-- <br>
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author <a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com">https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com</a>
<a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com">http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com</a>
<a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:abbietaylor945@gmail.com">abbietaylor945@gmail.com</a>
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