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<p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_GoBack"></a> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Holiday Greetings!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Group Two writer friends:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Guess
what
one of my new year's resolutions is!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I
will try to send my critiques earlier each month of 2019!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, alas, below are my
critiques from our
November 29 meeting.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard's
poem "Hindsight
or Foresight"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Check the subject-verb agreement in line
three.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"that let me know where I should go."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Delete comma after "head" before the
adjectival
clause:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"but also for eyes behind my head"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider deleting the following unnecessary
line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Hindsight, they say, is 20/20."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Add a comma after "Then" in the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then, one day, my wish...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Change "in despair" to "into despair."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider rewriting to avoid a cliche:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"A fable as false as old wives' tales."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you for helping me to understand the
comparison of hindsight
with the serpent's tongue.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With mentions of tarot cards and coffee
grounds, the poem
has a good ending.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This piece is clever, but has depth of
meaning.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie's
poem
"Stages"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I like the inner rhyme of "growing, yet
knowing."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Revise for clarity:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"a beautiful darling who tugs at her mom's
soul"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of the poem's great lines is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Teen now knows that difference is a gift."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This "Stages" poem has a very creative
ending.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In this touching, perceptive poem, the stages
of life are
captured stunningly well.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Abbie's
poem
"A Visit from and Elderly Math Teacher"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider revising the title to reflect better
the situation:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Meeting My Math Teacher Once Again"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"My Math Teacher, in a Different Equation"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For both rhythm and content, consider
changing
"mathematics" to math."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You may wish to delete the unnecessary
tagline "I
asked."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Flip the order of the tagline and quote from
the math
teacher:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He asked in a halting tone:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This poem has an effective, sweet, and gentle
ending.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The relatively few lines of this poem capture
well this
moment in time which is worthy of a poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you for following through with sharing
a more positive
"teacher poem."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad's
creative
nonfiction "The Vast Unwanted"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Add a comma at the end of the first clause of
the compound
sentence which begins with:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"The man carried a long knife,...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Due to the introductory prepositional phrase,
add a comma
after:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"On her right hand,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Instead of using the word "seeking," consider
"to find."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider the following changes, including
using the dashes
instead of commas, as follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"The animals--a dog and a goat, ribs showing
through
dry, mangy pelts--trailed behind and looked [not 'looking']
...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After "temporary home," change the comma to a
colon.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After "no definite destination," change
semicolon
to a dash.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Change period to dash after</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"vast unwanted--"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After the word "doggedly," delete the period.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To maintain the verb tense, change "might
know" to
may know."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In a persuasive piece, take care to avoid
absolutes and
exaggeration.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"compassion by shockingly few"--I still truly
believe that more than a "few" do have compassion for these
immigrants.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This creative nonfiction piece is very good,
timely, and
motivational; however, I still wonder if the piece would be even
more effective
in persuading an audience if some "identifying" details were
more
specific.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Taking on such
a piece and
general purpose is challenging, and I admire this writer's
taking the challenge
to spotlight further the plight of these people who want to
enter a safer and
more stable country.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Many thanks for your patience, your timely
critiques of my
piece, and your being such a grand critique group for two and a
half years!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As this old year closes and the new year
blossoms forth, I
hope that all of you are well, enjoying the holiday season, and
looking forward
to writing dreams-come-true in 2019!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Talk with you in a few hours--Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">December 27, 2018, Thursday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
</p>
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