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<p class="MsoNormal"><u>For the record, I have never found your work
tedious.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>On the contrary, I find most of
it quite good. Of course, there are some areas I find troublesome from time to
time, but that is true for most of the works I read, even the ones that are
page turners. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, I like this
poem a whole lot. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice things when I’m looking for
them. If I were not looking for something to comment on here, I would
thoroughly just enjoy it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A lot of the
times, I hope people don’t take my comments seriously. I only want to bring
some things in focus to stimulate thought. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I love this poem, and you should probably pay
little attention to my comments, because it is exceptionally good the way it
is, without changing a single dot.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also,
I learned a lot about Merlyn from it that I had not known.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>One thing I will point out is that you use ‘and’
exceedingly often they sound nice, but I suggest you take the challenge of
trying alternatives to many of them. </u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br>
In the Isle of Avalon they sing<br>
songs Of The Once and Future King.<br>
He slumbers there on soft green grass<br>
and time it barely seems to pass.</p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>Leave
out ‘it.’</u><br>
<br>
By subtle spell I did there wake<br>
called by The Lady Of The Lake .<br>
As my heart was empty and hope was gone</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>Since
up to now you have been using a beat of 8 with an occasional 9, I thought
it would be helpful to suggest a way you could keep this line to a nine.
One example would be:</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>For my heart was void and hope had fled. This would also
eliminate two was’s on the same line.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br>
she drew me hence to Avalon. <br>
<br>
Its fields and vineyards knew my tread<br>
and in meadows green I made my bed.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>You don’t need<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>‘and’. Without it you keep an 8 beat. The rhythm is not disturbed.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br>
The enchantress taught me many things<br>
of lore and spells and bygone kings.<br>
<br>
I learned to play the lute and lyre<br>
and the secret magic's of bale fire.<br>
I gained great wisdom, renown and fame<br>
and all who dwelt there knew my name. <br>
<br>
I studied herbs and the healing arts<br>
and never failed with crossbow darts.<br>
I became adept with sword and lance <br>
and my standing there did fast advance.<br>
<br>
I had the gift of vision dreams<br>
and could weave the light of bright Moon beams.<br>
I was known as bard and sage by all<br>
and one day received The Lady's call.<br>
<br>
"For Arthur's Merlin you shall be<br>
and with him return across the sea.<br>
To unite the peoples once again<br>
in a kingdom that will never end."</p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l1 level1 lfo2;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>But
emmediately below you say it did end.</u><br>
<br>
So through labors Camelot was wrought<br>
though its establishment was dearly bought.</li><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l1 level1 lfo2;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>If
you don’t want to run into 10 beats you could leave out ‘though.’</u><br>
<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And today naught but a legend told<br>
and a hope in memory for men to hold.<br>
<br>
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
</li></ul>
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