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<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Despite some issues and questions mentioned below, I
think this is a great piece of writing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>I relate to the dynamics of the story.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>In some ways, this is the hero’s journey.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in">When Love is Finally Poisoned<br>
C By Brad Corallo<br>
Word count 158<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.75in;text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l1 level1 lfo2;
tab-stops:list .75in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;
mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Good title.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><br>
Always appearing in impossible, wondrous aspects;<br>
that I no more might resist<br>
than a junkie's craving vein,<br>
could resist the needle.<br>
I call upon the Gods: "great architects of creation, release me from my<br>
Calypso, my Siduri, let me be free." <br>
Like the former she plied the shuttle and like the latter she isolated me</p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in">I <u>don’t
know what the shuttle is or means. I don’t know what it means in this case
because I am not familiar with the Siduri character. My guess is that she
is a weaver goddess who has entwined you into her loom, but that is really
reaching for me. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>These references
to mythology would probably endear it to readers in the know. But there
may be many more readers who will just scratch their heads and feel left
out, unless they want to do a Google search. Nevertheless, the general
meaning is clear. </u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><u><br>
</u>with her irresistible gifts.<br>
In a special place where I finally began shaping timber for the vessel of<br>
my odyssey; Birds of prey tore my flesh at the leaving.</p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>My
understanding is that you mean you are breaking away from the addictive
relationships, but the parting of ways is extremely difficult.</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><br>
Fare well my heart, you will not accompany me on my appointed voyage.<br>
Alone I go, without a map , without belief<br>
seeking my singular fortune. </p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>You
will be out on your own in uncharted waters completely vulnerable to what
is out there. You have no protection in mind or substance.</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><br>
Aided by the wise counsel of blind women.</p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>What
do you mean by this line? Can it be taken literally? Did blind women
actually help you to do the impossible to pull yourself away from the
Goddesses who enslaved you?</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><br>
I walked on water. <br>
I trod the path of white hot embers.<br>
Ultimately born up by the air.<br>
<u>Miracles have sustained you. How you have survived and prospered is a
mystery and an answer from the gods to whom you originally prayed.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><br>
Who among us could have ever imagined, such an arriving?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.25in"><u>I would like to have more
detail about what the arriving looks like. But it is not necessary for the
poem. In fact it probably is better without it. </u><br>
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>The big mystery for me is who the night muse is.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ordinarily, I would never think that it was
someone like Kat Stevens, but from past experience, it could very well be. But
I prefer to look at this poem without knowing that. It’s better not to know.
Because knowing takes away the mystique. So it is not Kat Stevens.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="text-decoration:none"> </span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>There are no recommended changes.</u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br>
Night Muse</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br>
You come<br>
like cool, sweet wind,<br>
in dreams vivid,<br>
needing me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>I love this verse, especially the last line.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The idea of the muse needing the artist is
brilliant.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It is also true. I never
thought of it in that way, but I know it is true from the marrow of my bones. </u><br>
<br>
I feel your torment,<br>
cries to be heard,<br>
I answer,<br>
drawing you close</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Wow! This verse is profound, in that it explains the
prior verse. I could spend a lot of words trying to explain what I think and
feel you are really saying, but it would not do justice to what you have said
and the way your piece says it.</u><br>
<br>
Somewhere beyond cold reason,<br>
our spirits meet,<br>
outside time,<br>
healing each other.<br>
<u>This verse makes me think that the muse is an actual person. Alive or dead,
I could not say.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>On the other hand, it
might not be a person as we normally think of a person. Even gods and goddesses
need healing.</u><br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
<br style="mso-special-character:line-break">
</p>
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