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<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hello!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard,
Abbie, Brad, and Valerie:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Someone
please tell me where the past four weeks have gone!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Each time I plan to
transfer my hard-copy
braille notes to typewritten form, something has or more than
one thing have
arisen.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>While the
Thunderbirds are
flying overhead for Milwaukee's Air and Water Show this weekend,
I hope to
finish this set of critiques from Group Two's June 28 critique
session.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With many thanks for your patience or your
forgetting how
late I am with the following,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie's
poem:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks for finding and sharing with us the
original word to
describe the type of road in the first line of the poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know that this poet uses punctuation very
well; however,
in this poem, she uses only one comma to set off a noun of
address:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">turn around, sweet angel</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hope that this poet will return to using
punctuation in
future poems--at least<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>for
most upcoming
poems.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fortunately, the stanza breaks are helpful to
the reader
while reading this almost punctuationless poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I wondered if the mystery person is someone
from The
Monkeys.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The poet is
providing intrigue
or a puzzle for the reader.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For me, an unexpected line of the poem is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I wanted to drown in them [his eyes].</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This line reveals the intensity of the poet.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Are the tears of the guitarist or of the
poet?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This contemporary poem reminds me of the
spacialism of the
South American poet Octavio Paz.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad's
poem:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Momentary
Molecular Mishaps"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a great, alliterative, and
attention-grabbing title for
this outstanding poem!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How
interesting
that the poet wrote this poem last autumn!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>I thought that the poet just very recently penned this
verse.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At the end of line one, insert a comma.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At the end of line two, change the semicolon
to a comma.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For expressing morning, use either both
capital letters or
lower-case letter, each of which is followed by a period (for
lower case only):</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">AM or a.m.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Delete "say" (meaning "for example") at
the end of line two.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The line with "subtle slippage" is an
outstanding
line.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Would the poet consider revising the poem to
be in first,
rather than second person?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Technically,
"you" is the reader:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>"I" would be more direct, more dramatic.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I recommend changing the word "loose" to
"loosening."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For better pacing of the poem, change the
comma after
"quick," to an exclamation point.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks for increasing my word power with
"anxiolytic."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The pace of the poem reflects the speed of
anxiety in the
content--very well done!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place a period or colon after</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Everything is okay."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place a period after</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"sigh of relief."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Insert a comma after "probe," in the poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Change semicolon to comma or dash after</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"artfully dispersed"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A superb line with great vocabulary is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"detritus of morning ritual"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With an impressively strong ending, the
entirety of this
poem expresses reality with raw emotions and is certainly
prize-worthy. This
extraordinary poem should be submitted for publication.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Abbie's
upcoming
book:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"The Red Dress"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The 142-word length of the synopsis seems
good to me for
various promotional opportunities.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I suggest revising for clarity the sentence
which includes:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">she still remembers and even ...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rewrite the final sentence of the synopsis to
avoid the use
of the word "and" twice.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider placing the word "Prologue" before
the
date.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the following quotation, I changed "could"
to
"can."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Can I borrow something from your closet?"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The novelist may want to check if the
expression
"whatever" was used colloquially in 1987.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In general, I would recommend that another
proofread be done
with specific attention being given to antecedents of pronouns.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Whether in quotation or in
other sentences,
each pronoun should have a clear antecedent to avoid slowing
down the reader
because I imagine this novel as a quick, light read.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, "and felt like
throwing
up"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The above did not refer to Charlene.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rather than using an inappropriate hyphen in
"what-ever," use a tagline to express how the speaker is
pronouncing
the word.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I learned to place either a comma or
exclamation point after
the interjection "Oh!"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Set off the noun of address with commas as
follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hey, Eve,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Revise for clarity by writing something as
follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">and held her roommate<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>OR</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">and held Eve</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At my high school, the sports editor of the
school paper was
the basketball star; thus, not all sports editors are
unappealing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Making a
main character or minor character
into something other than a football quarterback would be
refreshing for many
readers.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Revise for clarity:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"She had to admit it looked good on her."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps, Alex should comment on the red dress
in this
initial scene with the title dress.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I admire this prolific writer's completing
another book and
sharing the synopsis and prologue with us.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Another book on the shelf is quite an accomplishment!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Congratulations!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">5.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard's
poem:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Plastic Kills"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Initially, I heard the title as "Plastic
Hills,"
rather than "Plastic Kills."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After the very first word of the poem,
instead of a comma,
use a dash.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An antecedent is needed for the pronoun in
the phrase
"as did they," or change the pronoun to a noun.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(I believe the antecedent
is flora and
fauna.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I like the duality of flora and fauna, coal
and
diamonds.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(The largest
coal mine and
largest tipple in my hometown was The Black Diamond Mine.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing "It" in the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Today it befouls our Earth."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">According to reports on Wisconsin Public
Radio and other
programs, the plastic in Lake Michigan becomes intertwined with
real food
sources and thus, is ingested by fish, some of whom eventually
die from this
"plastic casserole."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Additionally,
some of the fish that eat the plastic eventually end up on a
platter for Friday
Night Fish Fries, a tradition still in Wisconsin.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The poet used an outstanding and memorable
analogy and
metaphor in:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"sandwiched between two clear panes ...."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The passage includes the great line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"in frantic spasms of hope to fly free."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a superb final line of this remarkable
poem!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Why do they remind me of me?"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With all the media reports about plastic
straws, now may be
an opportune time for having this poem accepted for publication.
<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you all for the critiques which you
shared live and in
e-mails!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Looking forward to celebrating the second
anniversary of our
critiquing together!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Until Thursday evening, Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:ajm321kh@wi.rr.com">ajm321kh@wi.rr.com</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">July 21, 2018, Saturday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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