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<p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_GoBack"></a> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hello, fellow members of Group Two!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Please
find
below my comments from our critique session on April 10--only
for the first two
pieces which we critiqued.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Due
to the
issue which arose when I sent my blog post on Wednesday, I
thought that I should
just send two critiques at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Abbie
and Leonard, your turns will be in the next e-mail which I hope
to send on
either Sunday or Monday.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Bernie's Recurring
Nightmare"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This good example of flash fiction is an
intriguing take on
the Glory Train.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The
historical
connection provides an added element of interest for
"Baby-boomers."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although the dialogue adds to the interest of
the story and
helps to move along the story, the writer needs to revise the
punctuation of
quotations.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also, each
time a change of
speaker occurs, a new paragraph must begin.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>When the tagline (attribution of quote) is prior to the
direct
quotation, a comma or colon must follow the tagline.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When the direct quotation
initiates the
sentence, the appropriate mark of punctuation (other than the
period) must
precede the closing quotation mark and then the closing tagline.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also, when the quotation
ends the sentence,
remember to place the appropriate end mark of punctuation prior
to the closing
quotation mark.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Only
some corrected examples
follow:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He said to himself,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(In above example, "himself" should be typed
as
one word.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">... echoed,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">... said,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(In above example, "asked" should be
considered as
a revision.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">... line," he said with conviction.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">None of you are going anywhere."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A closing quote should be added at the end of
the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">...(PLF)."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In such a short piece of fiction, the writer
provides a good
description of the setting and develops the characters well.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I found myself caring about
the last hope
being "dashed."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, this writing effort is an
outstanding example of a
piece inspired by lyrics of a song.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Thanks to the writer for including a link to the song!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Ultimate Decision"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This impressive and intriguing poem does make
the reader
work.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In the earlier
metaphorical
passages, I was uncertain of the poet's intention until I
arrived nearer the
end of the poem<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Then, I
was eager to
re-read the beginning of the poem and grasp the purpose of these
verses.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The "Ultimate
Decision" is to
continue living after confronting a hardship (or loss).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How well the poet describes herself in an
earlier state with
the line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"crammed in wet mud alone."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The best line of the poem is:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"a strand of hope, thinner than fear."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Superb poetic line!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The closing of the poem--</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"spinning prayers toss us into the torrent</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">wounded, but unbroken."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">--is outstanding; however, consider placing a
punctuation
mark after "torrent."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Also,
note the spelling of "torrent."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>In the line, the alliteration with "t" is effective.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In this conclusion, the
writer's intention
becomes clear.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, although this writer most often uses
the same
theme, her creative efforts are not repetitive:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>each approach she takes on the theme is nuanced and
worthy of poetic
praise.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">More to come either on Sunday or Monday--if
the computer
behaves!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Keep creating poetry during National Poetry
Month--Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">April 21, 2018, Saturday</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
</p>
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