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<p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_GoBack"></a> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hello!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Group
Two
writers:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Every
time,
I planned to type my comments from the February 27 critique
session, something
came up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Alas, here you
have the
critiques and then an ending note.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1. Valerie:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>poem
"I
Am Blind"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To add more dramatic effect, I suggest
shortening the
initial sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Consider
placing a
question mark after the second line.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Does that scare you?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then, you will need to adjust the subsequent
lines a little.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I greatly appreciate and admire the realism
in this
poem.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Do you shrink away from ...?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing the following adjectives to
adverbs:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">tight to tightly, loud to loudly, slow to
slowly</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another point of realism that touched me was
"laugh
appropriately," which I refer to as "nervous laughter" and of
which
I am finding more from the general public during this past year.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To maintain parallel structure, change
"feeling"
to "feel" in the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">feel all the same emotions</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This very worthwhile poem is a significantly
thoughtful
explication of the issue.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I
hope that
the poet submits this poem to other sources for a wider
readership.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"speculative memoir"--"Who
Knows Where the Time Goes?"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I like the term "speculative memoir," which
is a
new term to me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The memoirist's comment that polishing the
piece took longer
than drafting the piece makes me think that this sentiment is
the sign of a
real writer.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The reference to a "repeating loop" in life
was
intriguing.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The piece leads very well into the great
ending of the quotation
of the lyric from Sandy Denny--a lyric, song title, and song
which I have
enjoyed since my days of being a fan of Judy Collins and her
doing a version of
the Sandy Denny song.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With good punctuation and clarity, this
interesting and
contemplative piece brings forth good use of direct quotations.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What a good "coming back"
piece!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Abbie:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"poem "To My Nephew, at
Twenty"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a good prompt from your poetry group in
Wyoming!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thanks for
sharing this prompt.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For a stronger opening line, avoid the
pronoun "It"
as the first word of your poem.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Consider:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Were you twelve yesterday?<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Oh, no, now you are twenty!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I especially like the poet's third and fourth
lines with the
reference to "Dilly Bar."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For clarity and for another numeric
reference, consider changing
"I held and sang to you ..." to:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I held your seven-pound body and sang dozens
of lullabies to
you.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To add another numeric phrase, consider
changing "When
you were a baby," to:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Through your first twelve months of greeting
this world,
....</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place quotation marks around the word "no."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Being told "no"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider placing a semicolon after:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">across the country;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To add more numeric phrases, change the
ending to:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At thirty, you will be inspiring and
entertaining millions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Your poem is a great use of the prompt and
will be a superb birthday
gift.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>poem ""A Horse's Touch"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My friend Sue who is quite a horsewoman
thinks this poem is
"beautiful."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I agree.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Add comma in the first line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">lazy, lovely summer's day</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As usual, the poet's word choice is worthy of
note.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For example, I was
drawn to the use of the
word "paltry."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing the verb tense from the
present participle
to the past<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>as follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">gazing to gazed</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">calling to called</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The poet seemed to channel his inner
Wordsworth in the
following Wordsworthian line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">and my heart broke in word's pleasures </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider changing the final line from "her
great strength
and total control" to:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">with great strength and tender control.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This lovely piece is well-presented with a
myriad of
perspectives of the pasture.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The poem prompted me to wonder:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Who are the other people in this group?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Is the pasture near the poet's home?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Could the horses be described more?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Once again, this poet has demonstrated his
ability to draw
from a vast array of topics for his writings.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">* * *</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks to each of you for your comments about
my pi
poem.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Many thanks for a
most enjoyable
poetry evening on February 27!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie,
I hope that you are feeling fine now, and I hope that you
East-coasters are not
too bothered by the Noreasters.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Happy writing!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Happy Pi Day!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Talk with you on April 10 or before--Alice
(and Willow, too)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">March 10, 2018, Saturday night</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
</p>
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