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<p class="MsoNormal">Good evening, fellow Group Two writers:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Finally,
below are my very, very belated comments of your interesting
pieces critiqued
on May 23.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since so much
time has
passed, I just re-read your pieces and the comments that all of
you sent in a
timely fashion.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thanks
for the comments
on my poem, and thanks for your patience.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Valerie:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"I Don't Understand"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
poetic
lines having unequal lengths parallels the content of this poem:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I very much like the
contrasting line
lengths.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The format
reflects the
feelings expressed by the poet.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Perhaps,
since the reader and poet are blind, the assumption is that the
poem concerns
the inequality of a relationship between a sighted person and
someone who is
blind.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>However, I can
"see"
that this poem could be read on different levels--a sign of a
good and
challenging poem<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A
poem's being able to
be read on different or multiple levels is one quality that
makes the reader
feel comfortable in studying/reading the poem multiple times
without tiring of
the poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
do
realize that some of the following points may be due to the
phone system which
the poet uses.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
a
period after "motivate."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
the
comma prior to the closing quotation mark in:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">you call me "friend,"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
period after "broken."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Period
needed
after "appreciation of thought."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
suggest a
period after "an equal."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Also,
put a
period after "inner world."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Ever
since
I have read your poetry, your poems have displayed a distinctive
voice.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You develop well
your own writer's voice and
style.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2. Abbie:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"The
Wooden Front Porch"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>This
poem
is one with which many readers--fans of the front porch--can
easily and well
relate.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The poet's
memories produce more
memories for the reader.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>While
I
understand that the poet prefers not to be repetitive, I suggest
that the word
"porch" be used more often.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Especially in the stanza about comic books, a connection
needs to be
established with the front porch.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>In
addition to all the details and the stanzas bringing in all
family members,
what I like about this poem is its progression to the point that
another family
is on the porch and will develop their own memories.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Consider
the
following change:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">accompanied me with a pail--the precursor to
his drum</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Unlike the usual smooth verses which the poet
usually
writes, these lines have a choppy or staccato effect which may
reflect the
quick moves of children.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Thanks
for
a nice poem of nostalgia.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Child's Play"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Add
a comma
in the first line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">as a kid,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place a comma after the introductory
prepositional phrase:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To me, it seemed ...</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
recall
that the writer once told me that someone in his other writer's
group was
against the rule of a comma after introductory prepositional
phrases; nevertheless,
I suggest a comma after the following introductory prepositional
phrase:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">on each edge,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
exception to the rule occurs when the introductory prepositional
phrase is
followed directly by a verb (as long as the verb does not have
as a subject the
"understood"--not written--you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>For example--</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On the edge was a damaged railing.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the next example, you will see that two
prepositional
phrases can also form an exception.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On the edge of the porch was a plastic glass
of iced tea.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">(No comma is placed in the above two
examples.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What
a good
line is the following!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A child's fancy has no restraint.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After the word "cliff," change the comma to a
dash
to be more dramatic.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One verb tense that I suggest changing is in
the following--from
present indicative to imperative (command form):</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">add (not "adds") more to a simple trek.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What a beautiful final stanza which is as
light and airy as
its meaning!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Great
choice of words!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Your
great
memories of childhood are well-expressed, and I admire how well
you have
conjured up these detailed memories.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Prayer to the Ancient One"</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
think
this melodious, rhythmical poem might be able to be set to
music--with antique
instruments playing in the background.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
a
comma as follows:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Green Man returns,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To avoid a fragment, delete the word "that"
from
the following:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A wise being (that) emboldens</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>A
colon is
needed after the line ending with "unfolding."</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>To
avoid
another fragment, delete "who" from:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">who's glimpsed in the leaves</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
a comma
after the introductory prepositional phrase:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">From Australia to Britain,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Place a semicolon at the end of:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">he lived for the day;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
suggest a
comma after the following introductory prepositional phrase:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For tomorrow,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Change
the
comma to a semicolon in:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The dice have been rolled;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Add
a comma
after the introductory dependent clause:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Before it's too late,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Place
a
comma after:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For the Earth is our trust,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Change "and" to "so" in the last line:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">so all life will be free.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Through
all
of your extensive reading and affinity for this era, you
continue to capture
well the tone and rhythm of the period which interests you.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thanks for the wonderful variety of your
writings!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Talk with you all on Tuesday evening--Alice</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:ajm321kh@wi.rr.com">ajm321kh@wi.rr.com</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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