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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dear Abbie, Brad, Leonard, and Valerie (in
alphabetical
order!),<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Since
I
already sent to our Group my comments for Abbie's February
submission, you will
find below only three critiques from our February 21 critique
session.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Leonard--"First Catch"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What
a
wonderful, "disguised" memoir!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>The opening of this story is especially descriptive and
attention-grabbing.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I
would not hesitate
to use this opening as an example for a writing class.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>For
clarity
and sentence variety, I suggest flipping the independent clause
and the
participial phrase so that the sentence reads as follows:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Allowing ... Gulf of Mexico waters, I counted
to 30.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the above sentence, the participial phrase
is now nearer
the pronoun ("I") which the participle modifies.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A couple of sentences later
in your story,
you did construct a sentence of this type.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>In
what I
believe is paragraph three, I suggest you consider some revision
by using
sentence combining to avoid so many uses of the word "it's."<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Here
is
something picky for you!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You
missed the
closing quotation mark in the following:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"They good to eat!"<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>This
good,
solid fish story is also a coming-of-age memoir that is gently,
subtly
didactic.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am glad you
shared this
youthful snapshot with us.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad--"The
Midwife's Cat"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>What
a
unique tale you have woven in verse!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You
successfully reach to the far corners of topic choices to gather
together a
diverse set of topics for your writings.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Your regular readers must be in a constant state of
wondering about what
you will write next.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
good
title is intriguing and draws the reader into this particular
piece, and the
poem does not disappoint.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
always
recommend considering the revision of "and" at the onset of a
poetic
line and at the beginning of a sentence.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Most often, eliminating the "and" is the better choice;
then,
if one is maintaining a certain number of syllables per line,
one can add
easily another word midst the line.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In
the line below, I will give you an example of eliminating the
initial
"and," adding another one-syllable word to the line, and
inserting a
needed comma after the introductory prepositional phrase.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Even with her fine skills, she feared<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
suggest
changing the phrase "but unlooked for" to
"unexpectedly."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You may
need
to cut a syllable elsewhere to use "unexpectedly" which has one
additional syllable.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Add
a comma
after each of the following introductory prepositional phrases:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">for many years,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">in quiet happiness,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">though only a cat, she understood<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After the dependent (adverbial) clause,
change the semicolon
to a comma, as follows:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While others said it wasn't so,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the following line, you need to insert a
comma due to the
number of items in the series and also a comma at the end of the
introductory
prepositional phrase:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In their fear, outrage, and sorrow,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Either
place a comma after the following introductory prepositional
phrase or change
the phrase for content and punctuation as the two following
examples show:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And out of nowhere,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Without just cause,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Revise
to
avoid a fragment in the area of the following line:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">exhorted by the evil parson<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the line "she did flee," change "she"
to "the cat" for emphasis and clarity.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">End the next-to-last line with a comma.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Bringing
forth at the end of the poem the comparison between the cat and
the poet is
very interesting and certainly is a noteworthy touch.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Being
a big
fan of WICKED, the Broadway musical (not as much the book), I
will add that I
found a mark of Elfaba in this poem although I know you did not
have this resemblance
in mind.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>You
have an
ability to have the cadence and sentence structure to reflect
the era in which
a piece is set.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I think
this could only
be achieved by your having read a great number of old writings.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Good job!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4. Valerie--"Sisters"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While multitudes of pieces of literature have
reflected the
loneliness of writing and the creative arts, this remarkable
poem of Valerie's
creation focuses on the sharing of creativity.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>How refreshing!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One
of the
outstanding lines and thoughts of this poem is:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Drawn together by creativity, we spoke of
dreams with
colors"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Although
I
realize that some punctuation may have been more due to the
Net-by-Phone which
Valerie uses, I will generally state that a comma and period
always are placed
prior to the closing quotation mark (unless one is dealing with
MLA-Style
parenthetical citations).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Two
examples
from Val's poem follow:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thomas Edgar."<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">author,"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">NOTE:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since
Val
mentioned that this name is from the other student's fondness of
Edgar Alan
Poe, I will suggest the amazing historical fiction book MRS.
POE, by Kristin
Hannah.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The interplay
among authors and
other historical figures of Poe's era, in NYC and Massachusetts
makes for a
wonderful read.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>(I
downloaded this book
from BARD.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Revise
the
placement of the participial phrase "pouring over my stories" so
that
the participle will be nearer the noun or pronoun which it
modifies.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you for sharing this lovely portrait of
two creative
high school students who were able to share creativity.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>While I appreciate March
Madness, realizing
that high school students can be not only sports-minded, but
creative through
the arts is heart-warming.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>My
thanks
to the four of you for your comments about my poem.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am already thinking of
what to post by one
week from today; then, amazingly, two weeks from tonight, our
small group will
gather together again.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Here's to a creative March!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Take care--Alice<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:ajm321kh@wi.rr.com">ajm321kh@wi.rr.com</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">March 7, 2017, Tuesday<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><span
style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
</p>
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