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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">New Year's Greetings!<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Val, Brad, Abbie, and Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>One
of my
new year's resolutions is to avoid being so late in e-mailing to
Group Two my
comments from our critique sessions.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Please forgive this enormous delay due to my book
activities, the holidays,
company, and then trips to the vet clinic for Willow and even a
trip to the
doctor and the ER for me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What
a way to
begin 2017!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I hope your
2017 has been
much better than mine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Now,
to the
critiques!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">1.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Val:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Calamity"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Through
Valerie's command of the brevity of poetry, she continues to
teach us the
poetic beauty of a short poem.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Despite
totally different content, this poem's title brings me back to
the 1950s and
thoughts of the movie CALAMITY JANE and its star Doris Day.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How nice when just a title
of a poem or word
can transport the reader to another place and time!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>At
the end
of line two, consider changing the ellipsis to a question mark.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Change
comma to semicolon at the end of the line:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is hard, defeating;<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>While
the
poem is a strong acrostic, consider changing the "T" line so
that the
initial word is not "This."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Having stronger words at the onset of each line of an
acrostic may be a
better choice.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
last
line of the poem may be stronger without the word "regardless."<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Achieving
sophistication in an acrostic poem is a challenge, but this poem
rises to this
poetic goal.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Brad:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Racing the Sun"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
intriguing title of this poem draws me into the verses.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>While
fragments may sometimes work in poems, consider changing the
following fragment
to a complete sentence by adding "I am" to avoid the fragment in
this
powerful grouping of words.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am restrained<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">in a cold and narrow place<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">that is all too familiar.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Also, note in the above lines that the
revision is in three
lines.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Delete
comma after "soul" in the following line:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">to a deeply troubled soul<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Can
you
avoid the cliche "snail's pace"?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Add
comma
after the following line:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I shall be lifted up once again,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In line two, I especially like the use of the
word
"madrigal."<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What a
poetic word
that brings to my mind superb madrigal dinners with wonderful
music--Madrigal
style.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Your
unique
crafting of poetry has offered us a challenging and
thought-provoking read.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">3.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Abbie:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"Thanksgiving Reflection"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>How
wonderful that such a poem was written during a third-Thursday
poetry group
meeting!<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Consider
avoiding the passive voice in the line:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Pumpkin pie was served.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>The
closing
of this holiday poem is very touching.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>Providing something new--a new perspective or new
slant--is always the
challenge with holiday writings:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>this
Thanksgiving poem does meet the challenge.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>This poetic effort captures well both the "then" and
"now" of the holiday in a well-woven pattern.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Leonard:<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>"The Good Old Days"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>You
may
wish to consider another title for this interesting poem.<span
style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>Try
to make
the following line parallel with the others:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">where they've come from lately<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Consider the following revision or something
similar to be
parallel:<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">the places they most recently called home<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You may wish to reconsider the last three
lines to avoid
cliches.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>This
poem
is certainly appropriate for posting on the WPL, and I am still
trying to
recall the name of the publication in the Northeast where I
think this poem
could be submitted.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am
sure that I
will soon read the name of the publication again in THE WRITER
magazine and
will then e-mail you the info.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>In
this
poem, the stanza breaks are important to show the progression of
the writer's
focus.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count:1"> </span>I
admire
the variety of topics you display in your writings in various
genres.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Again, my apologies for sending this set of
critiques so
late!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hoping to talk with you all on Tuesday
evening--Alice<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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