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<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><U><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">I think you have done
a wonderful job in describing Babe and the relationship you have with her.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>You certainly have done a good job in
describing her physical characteristics and personality. One of my favorite
paragraphs is where you talk about getting her to accept your accendancy. It
brings in the issue of conflict and develops a plot.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>conflict always is a part of a good
plot.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The piece is lacking at
the<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>plot level. It is great on
description, but<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>there is no
suspense, no story development.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>A
descriptive piece like this might be better done in poetry, although I’m sure
there are lots of readers who would like it just as is.
<o:p></o:p></SPAN></U></P>
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<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><U><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">there is a problem
with paragraph formation and graphics. Your paragraphs are shown in avariety of
ways, such as indentation and blank line, and I don’t know which one you are
using most until the piece moves on a bit.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I think it might be a software issue. there are a lot of paragraphs that
I think should be combined. <o:p></o:p></SPAN></U></P>
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style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p><SPAN
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<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><U><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">You mention that babe
got lost once. I would have<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>You
tell it is a story for another time. But how did mentioning it there add to this
piece? I would have preferred it if you had focused on a single theme with
action and plot, such as this being lost would have done.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>there are many places which have
suggested other stories, and you could have taken any one of them as a story in
itself, which I would like to see.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></U></P>
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style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">-- <BR>waiting for
Christ's return<BR><BR>BABES<BR>A Short Story<BR>By Sharon Tewksbury<BR>667
words<BR><BR>Critiques welcome<BR><BR>Babes was 3 months old when she first came
into my life. Born January<BR>10th 2003, I brought her home April 12th of that
year.<BR><BR>Darlene, my wonderful sister who passed in 2015, had told me
about<BR>babes the day I brought her home. Nine months later, Darlene got
a<BR>Boston Terrier named Angel, and she and Babes grew up
together.<BR><BR> Darlene drove me down the street to where
Babes lived so I could<BR>see that little ball of fur.<BR><BR>The
moment she put her in my hands, I fell in love with her. I
said,<BR>"Hello Babes." and our love affair began.<BR><BR>We've been through a
lot together. She got lost in some woods behind<BR>my apartment complex in
September 2003, but was returned home. That's<BR>another story in
itself.<BR><BR> We've been through two hurricanes, one move,
and of course the<BR>little trials of life dogs and owners go through.<BR><BR>A
friend said she looked almost like a fox terrier. Her former
owners<BR>said she was part <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:State
w:st="on">Chihuahua</st1:State></st1:place> and part Pomeranian,
but I’m not<BR>sure what her breed really is, because folks say she just looks
like a<BR>Terrier.<BR>Her coat was two shades of brown and a shiny white, but
now is<BR>completely gray due to her age.<BR><BR>Short haired, and
long-legged, she has a fox Terrier’s nose and is<BR>kind of long and
lean, and folks say she has the Dachsund build.<BR><BR>She has
pointed Terrier ears, terrier's face, and some people have<BR>said
she looks like she's wearing eye makeup because of the black<BR>under her
eyes.<BR><BR>Her toenails look like they have been painted black and
consequently<BR>attracting attention, this makes her even more vain than
she normally<BR>would be.<BR><BR> Head held high, and ears pointed
up, she struts her stuff.<BR><BR>If noticed by a crowd of
humans, she will certainly be the bell of<BR>the ball, or else.<BR><BR>Though
she is not considered a small dog, she is in the medium range
and<BR> only weighs 23 pounds. Since she weighs under 30 pounds,
people<BR>would assume she isn’t heavy, but she tends to be because of bone
and<BR>muscle. I used to pick her up and let her look outside at the
rain,<BR>but I can't do that now because of back problems.<BR><BR>Before now,
she would disobey me. Jumping on a chair or bed, and<BR>staking out her
territory, she would act as if I couldn’t do anything<BR>about it. But, I was
the giant who could say whether it was her<BR>territory – or not, and I
laughed, picked her up, and moved her<BR>somewhere
else. She finally got the message, and now obeys my command<BR>staying in one
place.<BR><BR>I call her princess Dianna, because of her royal little
ways. Her<BR>snobbishness just seems to add to her appeal, and One thing
that's<BR>particularly humorous is that I'm-better-than-that air she
has.<BR><BR>I laugh at her when her feet touch wet grass, or if she gets cold,
or<BR>anything else that might make her world less than perfect.
Heaven<BR>forbid.<BR><BR>If off her leash, She refuses to get wet if
it's raining. If it’s<BR>wet outside, and she's on her leash
she might pull if she’s feeling<BR>hyper, but most of the time she is obedient
and docile obeying<BR>commands.<BR><BR>If disconcerted or
worried, wrinkles appear between her eyes, and<BR>she assumes a
thoughtfulness, as if her decision will completely<BR>change the
world.<BR><BR>Her little quirks shine through all the time. Her moods change
like a<BR>kaleidoscope. She loves to<BR>hide from me when I’m about ready to go
somewhere. In times of<BR>potential danger, she is all gusto and bark but
if she really gets<BR>scared, she runs and jumps in my lap. I've tried to tell
her she's the<BR>"protector and I'm the "protected, but she doesn't
listen.<BR><BR><BR>Though almost 14, she is still smart, independent, and
stubborn. She<BR>gets her stubbornness from me, but that's our
secret.<BR><BR>_______________________________________________<BR>WritersPartyline
mailing list<BR>List Email address: WritersPartyline@bluegrasspals.com<BR>List
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