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<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Val<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">The story: You tell
abeautiful story in a beautiful way. From a pros point of view I can’t make any
improvements.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It is well documented
and informative, while at the same time, rich in emotional warmth. The story is
told with an economy of words<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>that
is done in the best<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>poetic
tradition. <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">I’ve made a few
arbitrary suggestions to augment its poesy. There is<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>abit of a wrestling match between the
poetic aspects of the piece and the information giving. that is often a
difficult balancing act. If you made this a straight pros essay, that conflict
would not exist. On the other hand, neither<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>would it have its lyrical
qualities.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Line 14 is too long. I
know you want to get<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>the date in,
but<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>sticking it on the end like
that breaks the rhythm of the line and poem.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">line 20: lavender
graced her chest.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It flows better
with less words.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">26 Scientists and
historians see clues <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">27<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>in golden strands of hair
<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">28<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>surmise<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>she died in 1870’s<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">In a poem like this
grammatical correctness<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>has to
balance with poetic license to achieve a sense of poesy.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">31 A service was
held<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">32 celebrating her
brief life <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">33 as was placed
….etc.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">34<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>to 39: Very nice.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">91 There is a software
glitch leaving ‘the in a line by itself.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">93 and 94 very
well<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>chosen
guotes.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Little
Light<BR>(Miranda-Eve)<BR>VM 7-19-16<BR><BR>1 Contracters digging in a
homeowners garage<BR>2 make a startling discovery--<BR>3 lead and bronze
container bearing <BR>4 the words "Metalic Burial Case".<BR><BR>5 Through
windows in the top,<BR>6 they saw a tiny girl,<BR>7 fully intact, untouched by
time.<BR><BR>8 Flowing blonde curls framed<BR>9 a sweet, peaceful face--<BR>10
so began the mystery of<BR>11 a gentle, little child.<BR><BR>12 Who was she?
<BR>13 somehow, left behind when the <BR>14<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Oddfellows cemetery was cleared in the
1900s<BR>15 to use the land for the living.<BR><BR>16 she was three,<BR>17 rose
petals and lavendar in her hair.<BR>18 The pleeted, cotten gown of white she
wore<BR>19 was handmade, lace at the sleeves and <BR>20 a cross made with
lavendar on her chest.<BR><BR>21 A family of means wanted her<BR>22 remembered
forever,<BR>23 why else such careful, costly <BR>24 preservation.<BR>25 The
child's identity remains a mystery,<BR>26 scientist historian seeking clues
from<BR>27 golden strands of her hair, it is thought she<BR>28 died in the
1870s.<BR><BR>29The homeowners children named her<BR>30 Miranda-Eve.<BR>31 A
service was held celebrating<BR>32 her brief life as she was <BR>33 placed near
the mass oddfellows grave.<BR>34 She is a reminder that<BR>35 every life is
significant, important.<BR>36 Rest preciously, little one, <BR>37 so loved then,
now and forever.<BR>38 May your story be known someday.<BR>39 You matter so much
to so many.<BR><BR><BR>40 *Miranda-Eve rests in the <st1:place
w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">San Francisco</st1:City></st1:place> area in land
of the Garden Of<BR>50 Innocence, a non-profit charity that honors and sponsors
burials of<BR>60 unidentified children. Miranda's casket was placed within a
cherrywood<BR>70 coffin made by the homeowners. Her heart-shaped stone bears her
nickname<BR>80 "Miranda-Eve" with one side blank for engraving her true identity
is<BR>90discovered. Records from Oddfellows cemetery were lost in a fire
during<BR>91 the<BR>92 great <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">San
Francisco</st1:City></st1:place> earthquake.<BR>93 But know everything lost will
be recovered when you drift in to the arms<BR>94<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>of the undiscovered<BR>-Ben Giblert, "Me
and <st1:place w:st="on">Magdalena</st1:place>",<BR>Monkees, Good Times!
50th anniversary, 2016</SPAN></P></DIV></FONT></BODY></HTML>