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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Dear friends,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sorry to disappoint again – I am sending some disjointed ramblings for this month, for what it’s worth. This group is one of the things that keeps me going, so don’t give up on me! In addition to my husband’s heart surgery and my dad’s endless journey, my youngest daughter has kidney issues, my oldest daughter had a mental health breakdown, and I came down with shingles on my face – what I needed like a hole in the head! My husband says I’m bouncing back…it feels more like crawling. Anyway, here are two incomplete ramblings to review:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>What do you write when the words won’t come? When keeping up with life precludes pausing to process? When time is stolen by dementia, heart disease, and depression? Moments lost heap into weeks and years. Breath by breath, we live in suspended animation. The looking glass reveals a past unlike the present. Future plans bounce in limbo like popcorn pushed by air, never landing long enough to taste. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Keywords of My Life<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>We use keywords to search the internet for trending news, recipes, lost friends, and financial advice. Invisible algorithms build a unique personality profile based on our queries. If a data analyst were to review the keywords I used to hunt for answers to questions I’ve pondered of late, my search history might reveal a troubled mind, perhaps the thoughts of a psychotic killer, a child abuser, a demented elder, a desperate parent, an exhausted caregiver, a weary soul with a tortured past.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I’ve searched for methods to commit murder, drugs used to control children with mental health disorders, end-of-life visions, heart disease, kidney failure, addiction, suicidal ideation, canine cancer, caregiver burnout, and the rising costs of health care.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>On more optimistic days, I’ve “googled” bathroom renovation ideas, pruning tips for lilac bushes, the benefits of mindfulness, dog-friendly hiking trails, and instructional videos for loom knitting.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Meanwhile, I research treatments for anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, and migraines. During the pandemic, I’ve delved into the implications of immune disorders, vaccination resistance, the politics of mask wearing, and conspiracy theories. Nothing upbeat there.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>