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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Night Visitor<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Don’t need possessive?: a deep sleep’s dream<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a deep sleep dream<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or perhaps…choose…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Feel fingers move 2X: I felt my eager fingers move to grasp<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: My eager fingers reached (itched) to grasp<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>My fingers rubbed silky ears<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: As she faded into the night or dawn,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: As she faded like night into dawn,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Fire Balls<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Rework, lower case “C”: <span style='color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>It was 1980 in Central Virginia, and I was on my way home. That is a simple sentence.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Try: It was 1980 in central Virginia and I was on my way home, normally an uneventful endeavor.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>A typical ride home on my bicycle in central Virginia turned into a harrowing nightmare in 1980 when the weather took a turn.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: <span style='color:black'>I needed to use a bike, because of my sight.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I needed to use a bike because of my sight.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>I used a bike…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Redundant: <span style='color:black'>You see, I can’t see all that well. I’m legally blind. But I could see well enough for the slow speed of a bicycle. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>You see, I’m legally blind, butt I could see well enough for the slow speed of a bicycle. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cliché: <span style='color:black'>Before I was out of the twisty place, it really started coming down.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Stretch yourself: <span style='color:black'>The weather was threatening. Very threatening.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use metaphor or analogy<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “really,” tighten for tension: <span style='color:black'>The thunder was so loud it shook my bones. I was really frightened of being hit. I was afraid of the bolts striking nearby and sending a current up past the tires and sending it into my body. I don’t know whether that is realistic, but I was afraid to get off the bike. As far as I knew, the narrow rubber wheels were some protection.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: The thunder was so loud it shook my bones. I was frightened. Could a bolts strike nearby and send a current up past the tires into my body? I was afraid to get off the bike. I hoped the narrow rubber wheels offered some protection.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>“they” two times: They were red, to my memory. But they could have been blue, as well.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: The fire balls were red, to my memory, but they could have been blue, as well.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>“have”: <span style='color:black'>I have never witnessed<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I had never witnessed</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Stick<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: a question on everyone's mind.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a question on many minds.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A question on my mind<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: I'm not a medical practitioner. The following information is intended to help you<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I'm not a medical practitioner, but I’ve compiled the following information to help myself and maybe it will help you, too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: I'm told that the second shot<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I’ve read (I understand, according to reports,) that the second shot<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Confusing/random parentheses: Two of the vaccines are from Johnson & Johnson /janssenpharmaceuticaals and AstraZeneca/university of oxford) The Oxford version was tested in South America and was not shown to be very effective so South Africa has declined to use it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Two of the vaccines are from Johnson & Johnson /janssenpharmaceuticaals and AstraZeneca/university of oxford) The Oxford version was tested in South America and was not shown to be very effective so South Africa has declined to use it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Heavy, not layman’s language<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Medical references vs. I’m told, I believe…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Bombshell last lie: One recent bit of information suggests that…you could die!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sharing Your Gifrts<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Capitalize?: great mystery<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>New paragraph?: This is the tale she told little rabbit.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Misplaced period?: When the flash of the lightning. Lit up the sky,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete: Shelter beneath me until this passes and wait for the sun to return." he instructed.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Shelter beneath me until this passes and wait for the sun to return." <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Quote or no quote?: So it is when we look beyond…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Vs.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>"So my foolish child, you must think…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-indent:.5in'>Attribution?: So it is when we look beyond our own troubles and offer help to one another. That which is good for one can be good for all if each is willing to share their gifts and look beyond what is good for themselves alone.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-indent:.5in'><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Check blank lines between dialogue and paragraph breaks.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>