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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72" style='word-wrap:break-word'><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Chestnut Street<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You have some pretty long sentences that probably should be made into shorter ones.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In the first paragraph, there is a sentence that seems awkward:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Perhaps a period after village. Perhaps, I would learn over time, in a small town, hidden eyes warily watch watch strangers.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I Never Saw That Before<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>This piece is a little vague because the sentences run-on and have too much verbiage.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>For example:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The first paragraph would be cleaner if you wrote something like:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dusty merrily whistled his version of “Yankee Doodle.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>My cockteel Dusty.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Janet turned to tell the bird how handsome he was.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dusty had been sining that tune for over three years, almost as long as Janet had worked for Claudia.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Janet had been and doing odd things lately.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try tightening up your sentences and it will flow better.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Maybe something like:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>As Claudia walked into the house, she wondered if Janet was really losing it. Changing help was always difficult, but was Janet capable of performing the tasks Claudia needed done?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Where Would I GO?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In the 2<sup>nd</sup> stanza, I would move the last two lines and continue the thought with the part about that land needing the young.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I like the first line of the fourth stanza,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>But perhaps follow it with<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>What is fact is defined as farce<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>And lies are declared facts<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I like the last line.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>