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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>My Summer Vacation<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Revise Title?: Not Your typical Summer Vacation<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Context: age, state<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Reword: If I had told about my summer vacation, the teacher would have marked it as unacceptable because it wasn't the kind of story she was expecting.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: If I had told about my summer vacation, the teacher might have marked it as unacceptable because it wasn't the kind of story she was expecting.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Delete blank line: <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>For me, summer was a time of work and preparation.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>After the long winter, there was fence mending and other repairs to be made around our small farm<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Repeated: canning vegetables, and fruit to store for the fall and winter ahead<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rows or trees?: We had an orchard made up of one row of apple trees, 2 apricot (my favorite), 2 plumb, 1 red cherry, 1 white cherry, and 2 peach trees.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Hyphenate: two and one half<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Incomplete sentence: making apple dumplings, grape jelly,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “do it”: At first, I thought I would do it as an adult, But, I didn't have the money and didn't have paid vacation.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: At first, I thought I would travel as an adult, But I didn't have the money or paid vacation.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: They were into ski trips, and traveling abroad.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: They were into ski trips and traveling abroad.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Abrupt transition: Now, we have people who want to remove the monuments to our history. Vacation spots are not safe.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Now, vacation spots are not safe. Some people want to remove the monuments to our history.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Zoom<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Interesting dilemma (blind person looking at phone while talking)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Reword? Implies can’t learn if blind: <span style='color:black'>But I’m the only peer who can’t perceive<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>enough for me to learn a thing.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Like this line: <span style='color:black'>They crave the image of my visage. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Reword: So, I must abide there pleasantly smiling.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>So, I must abide there pleasantly smiling faces.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Different word: an opportunity not to be shunned. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>an opportunity not to be missed. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Reword: <span style='color:black'>Sighted people get a feeling of contact, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>Sighted people get a feeling of connection, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Incomplete sentence: <span style='color:black'>beyond all their other human senses. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Perhaps not as much as for their sense of touch. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>beyond all their other human senses,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Except perhaps for the sense of touch. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reading with Corky<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Book title in quotes?: And a tattered copy of Beautiful Joe<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Initial caps: Boston terrier<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Invert order? Confused by author’s name: Her Boston terrier gets his wish.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marshall Saunder’s much-loved novel<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Of a dog’s triumph over abuse<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Has made her vow always <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To love animals as much as books.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>As shrieks of neighborhood children<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>playing football fall away,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She draws Corky nearer<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>And loses herself in printed words of kindness.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Her Boston terrier gets his wish.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>As shrieks of neighborhood children<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>playing football fall away,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She draws Corky nearer<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>And loses herself in printed words of kindness.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marshall Saunder’s much-loved novel<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Of a dog’s triumph over abuse<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Has made her vow always <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To love animals as much as books.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Puzzle<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Clever from dog’gs POV<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: She never did that before.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She never wore one before. (needed one)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Other folks wear muzzles too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Other folks wear muzzles, too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: Perhaps they know showing their teeth,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Is quite a rude thing to do?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Perhaps they know showing their teeth<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Is quite a rude thing to do.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>