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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s July comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: The word “sleigh” is confusing. Would “sled” be more appropriate? In the line with “just how old I was”, omit “just.” In line with “perhaps was just knapsack,” omit “was just.” The two lines about lying on your father’s back need to be re-written; you are lying on his back, yet you begin the next line with the word ”who.” His back does not correspond with “who.” Perhaps omit “there were” and begin line with “Others.” Is there a word missing in the line ending with “steep?” The Hop-along Cassidy reference is a good description and harkens back to the poem’s time period. I like the beginning but wonder if the “you” before “imbibe” needs to be changed to “I?” The closing lines are perfect, setting the poet in the present and looping back to the musings in the opening lines.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: In the first sentence, I would move the beginning phrase to the end of the sentence for better clarity. This is a very tender piece. While it is highly personal, it is universal for all people lose parents in some way. I like the memories that you share about your father. He isn’t perfect which makes this piece ring true. Although you say that the ending is abrupt, it really isn’t. It is a natural progression from thinking about memories you have of your father to wondering if your daughters will do the same for you. Another lovely, reflective step on your journey.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: First of all, I am sorry this happened to you. I think you bring up an important point in mentioning the economic divide in small towns and its fallout. This isn’t usually examined, and I would like to see you develop it more. Do you mean to say that one of the students called “Percy” a girl’s name, or did you mean to say “Shelley?” It struck me as odd that no one was looking at your picture? Weren’t your parents or some other relatives present? The jump from the childhood event to the many events of today strikes me as not quite right. You mention a number of topics briefly, almost like sound bytes, without much exploration. I think you have the material for several essays in this piece and encourage you to write them.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>DeAnna: This is another look at the family you have been writing about. I think much of the natural imagery is lovely, especially those around the dogwood blossoms. I like the way Lisa continues to show her love and understanding by having made him a stuffed playmate. I would change “at least three other girls named Lisa” to “three other Lisas.” No one names a boy Lisa. I am uncertain about the gift of jam. Is it meant to be a cast-off from last year’s supply or a true gift?<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>