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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Running Free<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Singular?: Unencumbered by wheelchairs and service dog vests,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Unencumbered by wheelchair and service dog vestss,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Run instead of race? (tie into title): They race along eternity’s shore.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: They run free along eternity’s shore.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>First Sleigh Ride<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Delete “the”: <span style='color:black'>The beginnings are often telling.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>Beginnings are often telling.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Punctuation: <span style='color:black'>Will this be the last time you imbibe? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Or the start of a love affair.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>Will this be the last time you imbibe,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Or the start of a love affair?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Reword: Perhaps was just knapsack size,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>Perhaps I was just knapsack size,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Single versus only<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Reword: <span style='color:black'>waiting their turn to slide down the steep.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>waiting their turn to slide down the steep hill.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Like this line: <span style='color:black'>while he palmed his way to judgement day.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Reword: <span style='color:black'>From that distinctive day I was hooked.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>From that first sleigh ride, I was hooked.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert period: <span style='color:black'>of a day when it was my first time<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>of a day when it was my first time.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dogwood Blossom<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use name instead of pronoun: Grandma Emma had given her the name Dogwood Blossom, because she said that she was such a beautiful baby and was born in spring. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Grandma Emma had given her the name “Dogwood Blossom” because Lisa was a beautiful baby born in the spring.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: to put dogwood flowers on it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: to decorate it with dogwood flowers.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: Everyone in her family had both birth certificate names and Chippewa ones that were given to reflect who they were as people.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Everyone in her family had two birth certificates, one with their American name and one with their Chippewa name given to reflect who they were as people.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: “Hello,”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: “Hello”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: In the summer, the tree provided plenty of shade and it had lovely autumn leaves too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: In the summer, the tree provided plenty of shade, and it had lovely autumn leaves, too.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: the sound of a car, pulling into the driveway<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: the sound of a car pulling into the driveway<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rework: Something fell from the branches of the thorn apple tree that grew between the side of the house and the gravel drive. The car jerked to a stop, but not in time to avoid hitting a falling bundle. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The car jerked to a stop, but not in time to avoid hitting a bundle that fell from the branches of the thorn apple tree growing between the side of the house and the gravel drive. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete hyphen: Ryan sent-up a wail<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Ryan sent up a wail<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: she asked “Did I hit<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: she asked, “Did I hit<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Prejudice and Bigotry<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Avoid pronoun “it”: It happened when I was in the fifth or sixth grade.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: When I was in the fifth or sixth grade.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Capitalize: Parent's Day<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword draw picture redundant: Each of us was assigned a person to draw a picture of for display. Try: Each of us was assigned a famous person to draw for the display. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: I was assigned Percy Byssh Shellyey--one of the major English romantic poets widely regarded as one of the greatest lyric and philosophic poets in the English language.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I was assigned Percy Byssh Shellyey, widely regarded as one of the greatest lyric and philosophic poets in the English language.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “version”: The picture I drew looked exactly like a 14 x 16 version of the picture in our text books.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The likeness I drew looked exactly like a 14 x 16 picture in our text books.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: My picture and that of my best friend whose picture, while a little out of proportion, but still resembling the subject she had been assigned, got no recognition at all.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: My picture and that of my best friend whose picture, while a little out of proportion, resembled the subject she had been assigned, got no recognition at all.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “even”: not even one parent<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: not one parent<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: made fun of my picture saying<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: made fun of my picture, saying<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Typo?: praising the work of thes!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> e children<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>commas instead of parentheses: My father (a tall, hardworking white man with a third grade education) worked from<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: My father, a tall, hard-working white man with a third grade education, worked from<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>delete a/plural: a doctor, lawyer, or highly paid college graduate,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: doctors, lawyers, or highly paid college graduates,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>same typo: These children of the up!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> per class<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>introductory phrase comma: This morning,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>another typo: These children of the up!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> per class can do no wrong,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>multiple topics/themes need to be tied together, connected somehow with transitions – what is the over-arching message?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Could explore in separate essay: If we are going to denounce the accomplishments of every one that doesn't share our modern enlightenment, there will be no one that can stand…Alas, none can stand. We are all guilty.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: Oops. Is that a flaw?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Oops, is that a flaw?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Same typo: tolerance and accep!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> tance of others<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>clarify, pronoun, who is they and those?: and those today that rail against those that have a different look, belief, or way of doing things to theirs are shouted down and labeled as bigots. They refuse to hear or let anyone else hear what those who have a different view have to say.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Changing topic again: There is a growing movement in this country that would have us believe that the upper class should take<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>