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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Steel thread<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Line break: life was fragile and unfair but <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>still worth living<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: life was fragile and unfair<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>but still worth living<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Punctuation: She lives in another world.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Where All is well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: She lives in another world,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Where All is well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Incomplete sentences (use verb): <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Our needs on hold.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Her goal to discredit and remove him.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Our needs are on hold.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Her goal is to discredit and remove him.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>No pattern to line breaks: 11 6 10 5 6<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Title ? unnecessary: <u><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Two geese??</span></u><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Try: <u><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Two geese</span></u><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Delete commas: <span lang=EN style='color:black'>lake,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>where their flock had returned from wintering,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>to lay their eggs and raise their families.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Try: <span lang=EN style='color:black'>lake</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>where their flock had returned from wintering</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>to lay their eggs and raise their families.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Too many commas!: <span lang=EN style='color:black'>Sauntering back from an undeveloped section,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>beyond their two lane confinement, </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>peculiar from their usual behavior,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>and doing so in a nonchalant form,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>they had abandoned travel by flight, </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>maintaining their advancing on webbed feet,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>as though beyond the cares of their world,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>despite the fact that my dog was endowed </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>with power to kill, if given a chance.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'>Try: <span lang=EN style='color:black'>Sauntering back from an undeveloped section</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>beyond their two lane confinement, </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>peculiar from their usual behavior</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>and doing so in a nonchalant form,</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>they had abandoned travel by flight, </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>maintaining their advancing on webbed feet</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>as though beyond the cares of their world</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>despite the fact that my dog was endowed </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt'><span lang=EN style='color:black'>with power to kill, if given a chance.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: skipped over the furniture briefly backlighting<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: skipped over the furniture, briefly backlighting<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: backlighting and illuminating<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: backlighting and revealing <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation/question: What are you doing out of bed,”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: What are you doing out of bed?”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: It’s practically the middle of the night<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: It’s the middle of the night<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rework: Mama worked two jobs, but she wasn’t paid much because the kinds of jobs she could get near the reservation didn’t pay very well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Mama worked two jobs but she wasn’t paid much – or period the kinds of jobs she could get near the reservation didn’t pay well.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Paid twice…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Unclear and dangling: ash split basket grandpa had woven sitting in the middle of the kitchen table.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a wooden basket grandpa had woven stood in the middle of the kitchen table.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>jarringlanded like machine gun fire<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rapid fire<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>desperados<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Swan children…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>