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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>I don’t think I sent these yet...<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use #, don’t Spell out: <span style='color:black'>sixty inch<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: 60-inch<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>fifty years ago<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>try: 50 years ago<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>hyphenate: <span style='color:black'>one time<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>try: one-time<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>tense, reword: <span style='color:black'>the sun had been over<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>try: the sun was over<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>insert comma: <span style='color:black'>center of the earth bathing all the continents<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>try: center of the earth, bathing all the continents<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>closing quote: <span style='color:black'>I never tire of looking at it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I never tire of looking at it.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Conversational contraction: <span style='color:black'>It's plain to see that it is flat.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: It's plain to see that it’s flat.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Comma, not period: <span style='color:black'>flat.” said Phil looking appreciatively at the display.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>flat,” said Phil looking appreciatively at the display.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation, incomplete sentence: <span style='color:black'>said Phil looking appreciatively at the display. Then at Jeff.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: said Phil, looking appreciatively first at the display, then at Jeff.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Word choice: <span style='color:black'>Phil’s eyebrows rose wrinkling his brow.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Phil’s eyebrows rose, wrinkling his forehead.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Enjoyed Commentary – affect of fake news over time<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='color:black'>You tell him it isn’t honest.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>You tell him it isn’t happening/true.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “that”?: <span style='color:black'>Make him think that it isn’t hot.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>Make him think it isn’t hot.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Love this line: <span style='color:black'>All the while, turn up the dial.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Slow burn!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='color:black'>Make sure there are all sorts of news.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>Make sure there are all sorts of views.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or: <span style='color:black'>Make sure there is all sorts of news.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='color:black'>Nobody is losing coastlines<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: No country is losing coastlines<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Add hyphen: Five-year old<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Five-year-old<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “they”: The screen door squeaks and they tread the linoleum of the hall<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The screen door squeaks and the girl tread the linoleum of the hall<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Pedro, Grandpa’s ranch hand lives<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Pedro, Grandpa’s ranch hand, lives<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I’m lost!: The dining room is the first on the left with the door to the kitchen next and at the end of the porch is the door to the room with the toilet.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: They come up from the lake which is where the water is piped<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: They come from the lake from which the water is piped<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>