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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The Chosen<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Title spiritual reference<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>What about: Choosing a Home<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Singular?: Fear hiding their true natures<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Fear hiding their true nature<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Good line: Feline angels from her past<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Whisper of her preparations<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Soul’s depth – delete “s” from depths?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Thanksgiving<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Nice personal reflection – I like your personal essays<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use comma instead of period: A time to reflect and be thankful. Right?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: A time to reflect and be thankful, right?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Artificial meaning given to holidays, promote consumerism<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deep Star Sixed<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Clever<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sixed?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use of quote marks?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Don’t love the word “dumb”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Alone<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Need blank lines between paragraphs<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In dialogue, consider contractions aren’t vs. are not<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use quote marks: (I can’t do this!) Thought Laurie <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: “I can’t do this!” Thought Laurie<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: as tears streamed down her face mingling with the hot water cascading over her from the shower head. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: as tears mingled with the hot shower water cascading over her face. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: She had walked the floor until she had stumbled in to the walls and furniture. She had rocked Lindsay in the rocking chair bought by her parents to celebrate the new grandchild until her legs cramped with charley horses. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She had walked the floor until she stumbled into the walls and furniture. In the rocking chair bought by her parents to celebrate their new grandchild,she had rocked Lindsay until her legs cramped with charley horses. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Each morning he left<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Each morning, he left<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: All day Laurie was<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: All day, Laurie was<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>One word: stepped back in to sanity.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: stepped back into sanity.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “closed”: She hurried to open the next two closed doors<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She hurried to open the next two doors<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Hyphenate or delete “backed”: silver backed hand mirror<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: silver-backed hand mirror<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>silver hand mirror<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>delete from her grandmother…irrelevant<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>hyphenate: tear stained<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: tear-stained<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>reword, quote marks, initial caps: Yes! Here it was. The simply printed business card the nurse had given her when she left the hospital read: (Erin Ellis, La Leche League Leader, mother to mother, Breastfeeding and childcare Consultant for new mothers. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Yes! Here it was, the simply printed business card the nurse had given her when she left the hospital . It read, : “Erin Ellis, La Leche League Leader, Mother-to-Mother, Breastfeeding and Childcare Consultant for New Mothers.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Shakily she dialed the number listed on the card.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Shakily, she dialed<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>