<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><!--[if !mso]><style>v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);}
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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Here is the link for the article I talked about. Also, since the article is long, I copied and pasted the part with the example below the link.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>https://writersinthestormblog.com/2019/11/how-to-tell-if-youre-writing-in-deep-point-of-view/<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Most of the time, in deep POV, if you name an emotion: angry, hated, loved, envied, grieved, etc. it’s considered telling in deep POV. What’s considered telling in deep POV is perfectly acceptable in shallower writing styles, so it’s not that it’s wrong but it’s creating distance between the reader and the character and removing that distance is the goal.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Bronnie hated going to school. Everyone teased her. She trudged towards math class and wished she was anywhere else. The faces lining both sides of the hallway weren’t angry, in fact, they looked to be having fun. They laughed and giggled and pointed like she was the freak at the circus they’d all come to gawk at. She ducked into class, her shoulders sagged with relief, and counted the seconds until the bell rang.</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>This is very close to deep POV, but there’s telling, some emotional distance that feels like storytelling. Instead of walking that hallway with the character, the reader is in a theater seat watching this happen – which isn’t wrong, but it’s not the immersive effect we’re trying to create.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Below, I’ve highlighted where the telling and distance creep in, and anyone just learning deep POV will reword the sentences to avoid using those words. However, it’s still not diving deep into the emotions of the moment – what I call the character’s WHY. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><img width=600 height=400 id="Picture_x0020_1" src="cid:image001.png@01D5A561.55A70E80" alt="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?ssl=1"></span><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><img data-attachment-id="38728" data-permalink="https://writersinthestormblog.com/2019/11/how-to-tell-if-youre-writing-in-deep-point-of-view/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov/" data-orig-file="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?fit=600%2C400&ssl=1" data-orig-size="600,400" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0"}" data-image-title="how to know if youre writing deep pov" data-image-description="" data-medium-file="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?fit=300%2C200&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?fit=600%2C400&ssl=1" src="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-38728" srcset="https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?w=600&ssl=1 600w, https://i1.wp.com/writersinthestormblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/how-to-know-if-youre-writing-deep-pov.png?resize=300%2C200&ssl=1 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" data-recalc-dims="1" /><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><b><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:Montserrat'>How To Dive Deep<o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>The reason this feels like storytelling is because the reader is being told how the character feels. Deep POV gets curious about how emotions feel and lets the reader decide what emotion is being experienced. Bronnie hated going to school. This is telling and author intrusion in deep POV because it’s there simply for the reader’s benefit. Deep POV is written as though the character moving through a scene doesn’t have an invisible audience.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Three more doors, then math class, and then she could escape. Go home to her books. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>This sentence does more than TELL us she hates school, it SHOWS us how she feels. The reader now becomes the judge and decides what label to give that emotion. It’s a view through this character’s particular lens.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Everyone teased her. She trudged towards math class and wished she was anywhere else. The faces lining both sides of the hallway weren’t angry, in fact, they looked to be having fun. They laughed and giggled and pointed like she was the freak at the circus they’d all come to gawk at. She ducked into class, her shoulders sagged with relief, and counted the seconds until the bell rang.</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>The big red flag words here are “wished” and “with relief” because they’re telling, but removing those words/phrases still doesn’t put the scene into deep POV. The whole paragraph is written as though the reader is being told a story. There’s no intimacy, no raw emotion, no stakes, no why. Let’s try a rewrite aiming to remove the distance and immerse the reader IN the story.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Three more doors, then math class, and then she could escape. Go home to her books. Bronnie clutched three text books to her chest like a shield and set a fast pace as though the hallway were a bed of hot coals. The cool kids stood at their lockers waiting to pounce like bored over-fed cats. She kept her head down. Please don’t notice me. Please be too busy with your boyfriend and your gossip. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>“Freak.” Lizzie’s high-pitched taunt had every head turn in Bronnie’s direction.</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Her teeth ached and she unclenched her jaw. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Just leave me alone.<i> Bronnie shifted her books to ward off Lizzie’s insults.</i><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>“I donated that sweater to the church last summer. It has a hole under the arm doesn’t it?” Lizzy latched onto Bronnie’s wrist and jerked her arm up to point at the hole. The hallway roared with their laughter.</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Bronnie jerked her arm free. Papa got her birthday gift at the church clothing bank? Heat from her chest erupted upwards, her face on fire. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Her daddy’s the town drunk<i>, Papa’s deep voice echoed in her mind. </i>She don’t know any better<i>.</i><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Steven stepped into her path. Bronnie swerved to avoid him, clutching her books so he couldn’t knock them to the floor again.</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>He blocked her escape. “What’s the matter, freak? Cat got your tongue?”</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>She couldn’t swallow around the lump in her throat. Be the bigger person – maybe that was true, but Papa didn’t have to get to math class. Why hadn’t the bell rung? Her eyes stung. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>“Boo!”</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>She flinched from the verbal punch. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Steven’s head tipped up with the force of his laugh. “Loser!”</span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Tears welled up, but she sucked in a deep breath, enough to inflate her belly. She ran the last few feet to class. The bell rang and she slid into her seat in the front row. Safe. </span></i><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>Yes, the deep POV version is much longer. Deep POV will add to your word count which is why you need to be strategic with it. But do you see how this scene puts the reader IN that school hallway with Bronnie? The reader is left to figure out what emotions she’s feeling, but understanding how that emotion feels is more immersive than labeling it would be.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>