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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally Two Vigils<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Two vigils? Unclear<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Incomplete sentence: Time warp and uncertainty.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Uncertainty warps time.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna Writers Block<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Three blank lines between paragraphs<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: Too her embarrassment she discovered<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Too her embarrassment, she discovered<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Delete comma: The young man occupying the chair, moved to the next desk.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: The young man occupying the chair moved to the next desk.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Waste basket two words<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert “and”: Anderson strode toward the door, spun back to resume his diatribe.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Anderson strode toward the door, and spun back to resume his diatribe.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Harsh, present as internal dialogue?: Before he could snarl at the empty-headed little bimbo, something slammed into the back of his right knee.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: “The empty-headed little bimbo,” he snarled to himself as something slammed into the back of his right knee.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Perhaps incorporate second part before her departure where the dog body blocks him so you can still end with the clever writers block concept?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard Rabbit<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Clever<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Spelling?: <span style='color:black'>old schmo<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Like unusual wording: <span style='color:black'>For a time fraction, rabbit freezes,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>then scampers to his rent in the fence. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rabbit vs. rabbit (upper or lower case)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora Part 13<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>No blank lines…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>She would undoubtedly rush to surrender as soon as she saw they sent a dragon to torch her new home. She hadn't.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: He assumed she would rush to surrender as soon as she saw they sent a dragon to torch her new home. She hadn't.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Then, the outside province that was attacked retaliated the one that made the outside attack.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: Then, the outside province retaliated against its attackers.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Each time they just elected a new monarch, and did not surrender.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: Each time, they simply elected a new monarch and did not surrender.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>On impulse he stroked the CBM<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: On impulse, he stroked the CBM.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>So much to keep straight in my head!<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>