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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Delete “it”: </span><span lang=EN style='color:black'>(It was first published<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Try: (First published<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete first (no second): <span lang=EN style='color:black'>First of all, my dog's portion of this conversation<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Try: My dog's portion of this conversation…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Keep in mind, my dog’s portion…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Delete brand name: </span><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Moshi talking clock</span><span lang=EN style='color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'>Try: </span><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>talking clock<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete full name: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Ralph Malatesta<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>No sleepy labby boy you.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: No sleepy labby boy, you.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “trip”: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>I caught my heel on a raised slab of sidewalk and took a sliding header on our trip in town. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: I caught my heel on a raised slab of sidewalk and took a sliding header in town. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>finding the beat and if not quite in step, we were hearing the same tune.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: finding the beat and, if not quite in step, we were hearing the same tune.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Two words: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>dogfood<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: dog food<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>insert comma, delete “even”: <span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>with our llama He even remembered<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span lang=EN style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:black'>try: with our llama, He remembered<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Leaves Whisper (delete “s”)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Whispering Leaves<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Rustlings say<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Rustling says<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>“her”: Her feet were under her and her neck was stretched out in front of her like the last time.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rewrite….<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Like?: a satchel like the one the archer had<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>a box like the one Grasshopper had been put into<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>a pile of boxes like the ones in the room back at the castle where she had been captured.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>confusing: Hades Legions might have elected a new monarch. She had been gone a couple of days, after all. But, she didn't think so.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: After all, she had been gone only a couple of days. Hades Legions might have elected a new monarch in that time, but she didn't think so.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Confusing: But, why had he helped her? He had gone along when she wanted to put it all behind her and hid south. So, why had the archer captured her. Why hadn't he just finished her off. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Why had Grasshopper helped her? He had gone along when she wanted to head south and put it all behind her. Why had the archer captured her? Why hadn't he just finished her off?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “just”: just barely avoiding<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: barely avoiding<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: She hissed., Thrusting her head between the bars, she attempted to bite her captor’s finger as he pushed the latch closed.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She hissed. Thrusting her head between the bars, she attempted to bite her captor’s finger as he pushed the latch closed.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “it”: It tasted like fish She tipped her head back and swallowed it.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She tipped her head back and swallowed, tasting fish.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Nice hopeful sentiment during difficult time<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I learned a new word! Dross<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>