<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Tahoma;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#0563C1;
text-decoration:underline;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#954F72;
text-decoration:underline;}
p.MsoPlainText, li.MsoPlainText, div.MsoPlainText
{mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
color:windowtext;}
span.PlainTextChar
{mso-style-name:"Plain Text Char";
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text";
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
--></style><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026" />
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1" />
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>My apologies if I didn’t send these:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Use Quote marks for thoughts: Grasshopper, she thought, can you hear me?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: “Grasshopper,” she thought, “can you hear me?”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Overuse “flew”: Quickly, she turned and flew back The way she had come. The archer was standing in the doorway knocking an arrow. She flew toward his head making him duck. Then, turning She flew with all her might toward the hall to the command center.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She rotated, flying back The way she had come. The archer was standing in the doorway knocking an arrow. She dived at his head, forcing him to duck. Turning again, She beat her wings toward the hall to the command center.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: She heard footsteps running up behind her.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>try: She flinched at the sound of footsteps running toward her. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “place” stronger: She saw the man reach down, pick up Grasshopper, place him in a box, and put the box in his satchel. Then, he pulled out a bag. Placing the bag beside her,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She watched the man reach down, pick up Grasshopper, place him in a box, and put the box in his satchel. Then, he pulled out a bag, dropping it beside her,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete quotes: “The Cristal Pond.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The Cristal Pond.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “it”: She remembered the words of the army commander about how easy it would be to scare her into surrender.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She remembered the words of the army commander about how easy she would be to scare into surrender.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Let down: she had let people who were counting on her down.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: she had let down people who were counting on her.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Show, don’t tell: Sitting heard footsteps moving away from her. Then, the click of a door closing followed by silence.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: Sitting listened as the footsteps receded and a door clicked closed, followed by silence.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>arsing words! Mocking me? HAHA<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Invert title: <span style='color:black'>Sailing to Key Biscayne or Go Take a Sail<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>Go Take a Sail or Sailing to Key Biscayne <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Love line – change punctuation: <span style='color:black'>It is more that you are taken.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Although, it is true you tend to go,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>actually, it really is a going.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='color:black'>It is more that you are taken,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Although, it is true you tend to go;<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>actually, it really is a going.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A nuanced thing!<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use semicolon: Buried his brush in a neighbor’s garden, from the gentle mastiffs<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Buried his brush in a neighbor’s garden; from the gentle mastiffs… By her late sister at Crufts; from the family… tree; to…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Might delete some commas<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Love last line standing alone<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>More direct: <span style='color:navy'>Whenever I am frightened by circumstances or situations I land myself in because of my blindness,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>Try: When I land in frightening situations because of my blindness,</span><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword more direct: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>These words probably mean something different to me, because for all of my adult years, I have shared my journey through life with a Seeing Eye guide dog. I haven’t had to face the world alone.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>These words are meaningful to me because I have shared my entire adult journey with a Seeing Eye guide dog, so I haven’t had to walk in the dark alone.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Who? transition: <span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Olsen was also struggling with loss<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>try: It turned out that Olsen, my newest partner, was also struggling with loss.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Then he had suddenly lost the man he had come to care for and been passed around like a foster child from one trainer to another.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Try: Then, he suddenly lost the man he had come to care for, and was passed around like a foster child from one trainer to another.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>with a serious focused dignified manner.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Consider: with a serious focus and dignified manner.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Capitalize initial letter: <span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>in the center of the lobby<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Try: In the center of the lobby<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: <span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>in the center of the lobby of the hotel where my talk was to be held, was a U-shaped arrangement of furniture. I knew that the room I needed to locate was in a corridor leading off the back of the lobby. Olsen walked straight ahead and I found my path blocked by a long sofa. Since I didn’t know that we had entered a horseshoe and were now at the bottom of it, I told Olsen to “Find the Way.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'>Try: I needed to locate the room where my talk was to be held, down a corridor across the lobby. Olsen walked straight ahead and I found my path blocked by a long sofa. I didn’t know that we had entered a U-shaped arrangement of furniture and were now at the bottom of the horseshoe, I told Olsen to “Find the Way.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert “being”: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>she went from twenty-twenty vision to able to see only a small slice<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>Try: she went from having twenty-twenty vision to being able to see only a small slice<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert commas: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>I gained too by our friendship.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'>Try: I gained, too, from our friendship.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert asterisks or # signs at end of poem: * * *<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:navy'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;text-indent:.5in'>The Company We Keep<span style='font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Vertical tab: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif'>I was able to take along three<br>co-workers<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>