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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>2/28/2019<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Yummy Winter Walk<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The title doesn’t quite capture the playful spirit of the piece.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Perhaps something like: (A Taste of Winter,) or (Savoring a Winter Walk.)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You used the alliteration, (marble maze) If you meant the visual effect of mixing chocolate into white it should be (marbled maze)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You used another one when you said (gooey gelatin) when you described stepping in to a slushy street. Perhaps though (melting gelatin or not quite set gelatin would work better.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(pine needles shimmer in glaze) might sound more fluid as Glazed pine needles shimmer.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To avoid the confusion of a person who sees winter differently and also uses a guide dog, you could start out with a brief sentence like: The delicious abstract glory of winter tempts me to venture out to savor a walk with my guide dog.It is charming and whimsical.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Introduction,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I thought the sentence that included the word (handling) was awkward. Perhaps drop handling and say (having)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cut the (in a few years) from the sentence 70. Perhaps use nearly 70 instead.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I think this is a good introduction to your book.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Art and Character Doesn’t fit the piece as a title as yet.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(silver sails were as pretty as a picture seems a cliché.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>River millennium fairies is an odd name for the sculptors of the wharf. What does the millenniumindicate?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>His chest bore a pine-green tunic, wrapped in a rhododendron-purple cloak is awkward. I don’t think you mean his chest was the background for a tunic wrapped in a cloak. Perhaps, He wore a rhododendron-purple cloak over a pine-green tunic. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A little awkward phrasing here<span style='font-family:Wingdings'>L</span>extending hand to escort the beautiful master artisan. Maybe finish the phrase with ashore.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You use (as you perfectly know, Perhaps it should be (as you know perfectly well?)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Gold lame cape should be gold lam é.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leave out herself from the phrase, Dionysia clutched herselftightly to his back. Perhaps Dionnysia clung tightly to his back, wrapping her slender arms around his waist.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(as though she had been there before, which she had been, of course) Try leaving out the second been.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(Apollo had had something do with her leaving so abruptly.) Try Apollo had something to do with her sudden departure.)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(she would leave him again) Try (when she left him again)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I am not sure where this is going but I liked the juxtaposition of his formality and dignity which fits his character as made of wood and her flippant insistence on having moved on to whatever comes next. This does fit the concept of a creative spontaneous person.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Part 8.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(brownish-red) red-brown? Rust? Auburn coats?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Weekly should be weakly.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>This seemed a bit slow, but perhaps this is is because it doesn’t seem to advance the story nmuch. There is plenty of action in it but it is drawn-out with little advancement in the story line.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Still, I like the interactions between the two friends.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>