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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s January comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna: This is my favorite chapter so far. The writing flows effortlessly and seems to match the rhythm of your teamwork. I would suggest adding a little more about Griffin in the sections about your shop and attending computer classes; otherwise, these seem unrelated to him. I think you did an excellent job of describing Griffin’s personality by showing his playfulness and his work ethic. While both poems are good, the ending one is exceptional; reading it really felt like dancing. You had mentioned cutting this submission in half. Is there more to come? The reader never learns about Griffin’s retirement.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: While I understand the points you are making about warfare, I think you get off track by bringing in too many examples that have no real relationship to the beginning theme of conflict between nations. For me, these examples, rather than clarifying, left me muddled. The ending about the mice seems out of place, and the last sentence doesn’t work. You have a good basic idea, but it gets lost.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: I really like the sense of joy that radiates from this poem. From the title, I expected the poem to focus on literal first steps, but you did a good job of expanding the concept to include many learning experiences. Overall, this is a good job, but, as I reflect on the poem, I think it could benefit from some revision; it is a little “wordy” and needs some tightening up in spots.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: Like the previous few chapters, this one is much better constructe d than chapters toward the beginning of the story. I am wondering why no one noticed that Sitting had followed the farm animals; it seems to me that some human or animal would have known she was there. I also wonder about the likelihood of Sitting’s being able to bite someone in the foot while he was wearing armor. Doesn’t a coat of armor actually cover the feet? I think you did a good job of leaving the reader wondering what was going to happen in upcoming chapters. Sitting also seems to be getting more sure of herself.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s January comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna: This is my favorite chapter so far. The writing flows effortlessly and seems to match the rhythm of your teamwork. I would suggest adding a little more about Griffin in the sections about your shop and attending computer classes; otherwise, these seem unrelated to him. I think you did an excellent job of describing Griffin’s personality by showing his playfulness and his work ethic. While both poems are good, the ending one is exceptional; reading it really felt like dancing. You had mentioned cutting this submission in half. Is there more to come? The reader never learns about Griffin’s retirement.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: While I understand the points you are making about warfare, I think you get off track by bringing in too many examples that have no real relationship to the beginning theme of conflict between nations. For me, these examples, rather than clarifying, left me muddled. The ending about the mice seems out of place, and the last sentence doesn’t work. You have a good basic idea, but it gets lost.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: I really like the sense of joy that radiates from this poem. From the title, I expected the poem to focus on literal first steps, but you did a good job of expanding the concept to include many learning experiences. Overall, this is a good job, but, as I reflect on the poem, I think it could benefit from some revision; it is a little “wordy” and needs some tightening up in spots.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: Like the previous few chapters, this one is much better constructe d than chapters toward the beginning of the story. I am wondering why no one noticed that Sitting had followed the farm animals; it seems to me that some human or animal would have known she was there. I also wonder about the likelihood of Sitting’s being able to bite someone in the foot while he was wearing armor. Doesn’t a coat of armor actually cover the feet? I think you did a good job of leaving the reader wondering what was going to happen in upcoming chapters. Sitting also seems to be getting more sure of herself.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s January comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna: This is my favorite chapter so far. The writing flows effortlessly and seems to match the rhythm of your teamwork. I would suggest adding a little more about Griffin in the sections about your shop and attending computer classes; otherwise, these seem unrelated to him. I think you did an excellent job of describing Griffin’s personality by showing his playfulness and his work ethic. While both poems are good, the ending one is exceptional; reading it really felt like dancing. You had mentioned cutting this submission in half. Is there more to come? The reader never learns about Griffin’s retirement.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: While I understand the points you are making about warfare, I think you get off track by bringing in too many examples that have no real relationship to the beginning theme of conflict between nations. For me, these examples, rather than clarifying, left me muddled. The ending about the mice seems out of place, and the last sentence doesn’t work. You have a good basic idea, but it gets lost.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: I really like the sense of joy that radiates from this poem. From the title, I expected the poem to focus on literal first steps, but you did a good job of expanding the concept to include many learning experiences. Overall, this is a good job, but, as I reflect on the poem, I think it could benefit from some revision; it is a little “wordy” and needs some tightening up in spots.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: Like the previous few chapters, this one is much better constructe d than chapters toward the beginning of the story. I am wondering why no one noticed that Sitting had followed the farm animals; it seems to me that some human or animal would have known she was there. I also wonder about the likelihood of Sitting’s being able to bite someone in the foot while he was wearing armor. Doesn’t a coat of armor actually cover the feet? I think you did a good job of leaving the reader wondering what was going to happen in upcoming chapters. Sitting also seems to be getting more sure of herself.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally’s January comments:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna: This is my favorite chapter so far. The writing flows effortlessly and seems to match the rhythm of your teamwork. I would suggest adding a little more about Griffin in the sections about your shop and attending computer classes; otherwise, these seem unrelated to him. I think you did an excellent job of describing Griffin’s personality by showing his playfulness and his work ethic. While both poems are good, the ending one is exceptional; reading it really felt like dancing. You had mentioned cutting this submission in half. Is there more to come? The reader never learns about Griffin’s retirement.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard: While I understand the points you are making about warfare, I think you get off track by bringing in too many examples that have no real relationship to the beginning theme of conflict between nations. For me, these examples, rather than clarifying, left me muddled. The ending about the mice seems out of place, and the last sentence doesn’t work. You have a good basic idea, but it gets lost.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia: I really like the sense of joy that radiates from this poem. From the title, I expected the poem to focus on literal first steps, but you did a good job of expanding the concept to include many learning experiences. Overall, this is a good job, but, as I reflect on the poem, I think it could benefit from some revision; it is a little “wordy” and needs some tightening up in spots.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora: Like the previous few chapters, this one is much better constructe d than chapters toward the beginning of the story. I am wondering why no one noticed that Sitting had followed the farm animals; it seems to me that some human or animal would have known she was there. I also wonder about the likelihood of Sitting’s being able to bite someone in the foot while he was wearing armor. Doesn’t a coat of armor actually cover the feet? I think you did a good job of leaving the reader wondering what was going to happen in upcoming chapters. Sitting also seems to be getting more sure of herself.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>