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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Prologue? It isn’t necessary if you are writing chapters for a book.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: She landed, and started walking<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: She landed and started walking<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Unnecessary: straight ahead<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: ahead<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “just”: could just make out a humanoid<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: spied a humanoid<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Unnecessary “around”: looked around in their direction<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: looked in their direction<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Comma and agreement: Suddenly all chances of carrying on a conversation was drowned out<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Suddenly, any chance of carrying on a conversation was drowned out<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete comma: The beautiful crops that had been ready for harvest when they went into the barn, now lay in ruins.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: The beautiful crops that had been ready for harvest when they went into the barn now lay in ruins.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Reword “looking around,” “landing”: She hadn't flown far before she started looking around for a place to land. “Flying is hard work,” she said as she landed on top of a cliff, and ran a few steps forward before stopping at the edge.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: She hadn't flown far before she started tiring. “Flying is hard work,” she said as she landed on top of a cliff, running a few steps forward before stopping at the edge.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Which army?: the army closest to them as the sun was nearing the horizon. At last the other army started falling back<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Don’t split “is”: <span style='color:black'>The idea of ending all wars is, by power of hindsight, ambitious and naļve.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: The idea of ending all wars, by power of hindsight, is ambitious and naļve.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='color:black'>I would wager that there have been uncountable numbers.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Uncountable.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Wrong word: <span style='color:black'>it is doubtful that wars will ever become absolute.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: it is doubtful that wars will ever become obsolete.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “way” 2X: <span style='color:black'>politics is one way that humans have to conduct warfare in a potentially non-lethal way. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: politics is one potentially non-lethal way that humans have to conduct warfare. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “their” 2X: <span style='color:black'>Other animals also have their methods to settle their differences without resorting to killing or being killed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Other animals also have methods to settle their differences without resorting to killing or being killed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Confusing “them” (methods?): <span style='color:black'>One of them can bow out, by yielding to their foe’s insistence.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: One of the combatants can yield to their foe’s insistence.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Redundant?: <span style='color:black'>peace and tranquility<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword “will” and commas: <span style='color:black'>For example, my two dogs, who occasionally lie down on a couch together in peace and tranquility will, at other times, snarl at each other and make horrible-sounding threats to tear each others’ throats out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: For example, my two dogs occasionally will lie on a couch together in tranquility, while at other times they will snarl and threaten to tear each others’ throats out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete or specify: <span style='color:black'>for whatever. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: for any reason<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Agreement: Each dog has their own food bowl and lay claim to the immediate territory around it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Each dog has their own food bowl and lays claim to the immediate territory around it. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>More direct: <span style='color:black'>An important fact to realize is that most of us are at war with ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Most of us are at war with ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>More direct: <span style='color:black'>One thing I’m convinced of is that neither side<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: I’m convinced that neither side<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Contradictory: <span style='color:black'>I’m convinced…probably…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Rearrange “either get out”: <span style='color:black'>Forget about either getting other nations to submit to our will -- or else. That never works.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Forget about getting other nations to either submit to our will -- or else. That never works.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Over-riding theme? Tie it together<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cover and concluding sentences <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword what are you measuring?: I have reached an age when<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Resilience against life’s storms and pain <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Is better measured in the light of day.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I have reached an age of resilience when<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>life’s storms and pain <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>are better measured in the light of day.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Redundant: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>German shepherd Dog</span><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Separation ***?: after dog poem and before: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Griffin was nearly as timid as was Teddy. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>On our first trip to Washington D.C. I was<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: On our first trip to Washington D.C., I was<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: <span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>He drew the conclusion I wanted him to find something and my suitcase containing his rug and toys was the only thing that seemed likely to him. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: He concluded I wanted him to find my suitcase containing his rug and toys. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>I don't know! </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>But I've been Told! </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Getting lost can sure grow old!</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Pick ‘em up and lay ‘em down.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Come on Griffin, go to town! </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=yiv9780662224msonormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify'><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'> song in quotes? </span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert commas: <span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Through fog and mist through falling snow we<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:black'>Try: Through fog and mist, through falling snow, we<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>