<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#0563C1;
text-decoration:underline;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{mso-style-priority:99;
color:#954F72;
text-decoration:underline;}
p.MsoPlainText, li.MsoPlainText, div.MsoPlainText
{mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
color:windowtext;}
span.PlainTextChar
{mso-style-name:"Plain Text Char";
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-link:"Plain Text";
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
--></style><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026" />
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1" />
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna Chapter 18<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Hyphenate: two and a half<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: two-and-a-half<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Move comma from before parentheses to after and delete within: <span style='color:black'>we built Alafa Mua,(first guiding light, in Samoan) the</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: we built Alafa Mua (first guiding light in Samoan), the</span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert “and”: <span style='color:black'>language, built<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: language, and built<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deserves new paragraph: <span style='color:black'>We adopted one<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert blank line before paragraph break?:<span style='color:black'> Teddy was a huge<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Avoid “being words,” reword?, also 17 months: <span style='color:black'>Teddy was a huge golden retriever, with a gentle spirit. He came to live with us and be my guide dog when my daughter was seventeen-months old. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: Teddy, a huge golden retriever with a gentle spirit, came to live with us as my guide dog when my daughter was 17 months old. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reference name: <span style='color:black'>thoroughly enjoyed Angie's (who?)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>???: <span style='color:black'>give us a Twinkie the Kid ring. (I don’t know what this means…)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: <span style='color:black'>she mistook his luxurious pale blond coat for plush and assumed he was a stuffed dog and part of the display. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: she mistook his luxurious blond coat for a plush toy in the display. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use number over 10: <span style='color:black'>eighty-five pound<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: 85-pound<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: <span style='color:black'>shouted "No doggy! Bear! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: shouted, "No doggy! Bear!”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword:<span style='color:black'>the match doesn't work out. </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Try: the match doesn't always work out. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Or: Sometimes, the match doesn't work out. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora Sitting Duck<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Agreement delete province: she and her province might die, but it would die as a fighting duck, not a cringing chicken.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: she might die, but she would die as a fighting duck, not a cringing chicken.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Punctuation: As the sun was setting, buzzing, warrior shaped forms with glowing eyes were moving toward the advancing enemy army. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: As the sun was setting, buzzing warrior-shaped forms with glowing eyes were moving toward the advancing enemy.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use numbers 10 and up: fifty thousand<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: 50,000 <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Tense and redundancy: They had simply ran away on foot.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: They ran away.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Where else?: placed one hand around her neck close to her head<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: He's my eyes."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: He sees for me.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Simplify: Sitting looked up at him.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Sitting looked at him.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: I noticed you walking back<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I noticed you’re walking back<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Need opening quote: Regis put her down. The crystal ball message<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: Regis put her down. “The crystal ball message<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Spell out?: That means you have a msg."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: That means you have a message."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Love this name!: Sir Regis Rumble Belly, of The Flatulent Legion<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Doing better with line breaks between dialogue but you don’t always insert a blank line.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard Poems<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>Avoid really truly: do they really truly know?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>do they sense and feel and know?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Consider rewording: <span style='color:black'>as if to keep their secrets? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>Try: <span style='color:black'>Are they keeping secrets? <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I like the long version and #2<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Sally Poem<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Gut-wrenching<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I find myself jealous…Hang on to the good memeories of your long loving relationships with dog and man<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>