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<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:center;
line-height:200%" align="center">Chapter 16.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Saying good-bye</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">After losing my first job, I was
restless. I cleaned the house, went for walks and volunteered my time as
an unpaid teacher’s aide in a class for visually impaired children. I
applied to attend graduate school at San
Jose State.
Before enrolling, Curt, Tammy and I happened to be in San Francisco for the day. We stumbled upon
an Action Office. On impulse Curt and I filled-out forms to join
the United States Peace Corps. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">Two months later I received an offer to go
to the Arab Republic of Yemen to teach in a German run mission school for blind
children. I didn’t have a teaching credential. The only teaching I
had done was as an aide in resource rooms for disabled children. While still
attending college, I had worked with recently blinded adults, one-on-one as a
contract teacher of independent living skills for the California Department of
Rehabilitation. I asked for the weekend to think it over.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">Curtis and I went to the library to find out
if they had any material about this tiny Arab nation. We discovered that
they had only opened contact with the western world in the late fifties.
We took a long walk on the beach at Santa
Cruz. It was our favorite place to go when we
wanted to talk over difficult decisions. This was a big one and would
mean so many changes in our lives. Curt was teaching in a school district
with declining enrollment. Each spring he was let go and he was rehired
each fall. The possibility of getting tenure was very unlikely. The
Peace Corps was willing for him to accompany me to my station and to find him a
job once we arrived. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">This attitude was very flattering to my
bruised ego. The Peace Corps wanted me! But did I really want to go
to an Arab country where women had such low status? How would I handle
the intense heat? Would I have to wear a veil and be a submissive little
mouse? That wasn’t at all my style. I had warned Curtis before
agreeing to be engaged, that I was a spoiled brat, used to getting my own way
and would probably not improve over time. I worked hard not to trample
over his gentle nature in pursuit of my goals. How would I handle living
in a country where expectations were so low for the blind and rigid about the
proper roles for women?</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">By Monday, I was still unsure of my
decision. Then the placement officer from Washington D.C.
called back with a second offer. She had found another request from The
Western Samoan Association for the Blind. They too needed a teacher to
work in a school with approximately thirty blind children. I could
picture myself beneath a palm tree on a sandy beach more easily than wearing a
veil and sitting astride a camel. I agreed to take the position. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">The scramble was on for our little
family. We had to arrange for the sale of our mobile home, store our
furniture, and find a home for our cat. Curt had to let his principal
know that he needed to look for a replacement for the remainder of the school
year. Hardest of all for me was deciding what to do about my wonderful
faithful partner in crime Tammy.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">She had become so much a part of my life it
was impossible to imagine going on without her. She was the one I could
always count on to understand my every mood. Tammy had guided me through
four years of college to get my degree and a fifth year toward a Master’s
degree. She had been at my side as I struggled in a less than friendly
work environment on my first fulltime job. For over six years, she had
been a constant companion and friend. She was more than just a dog. She
was almost my alter ego. She was an extension of me. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">Tammy would turn eight on her next
birthday. The years had flown by as we went about the task of
living. Her guiding skill was so flawless that I seldom needed to do more
than give a quiet word of disapproval to correct any false move. Walking
with her had almost become like dancing with a really talented partner.
Our automatic adjustments to each other's movements were so fluid and graceful,
that commands were almost unnecessary.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">If I took Tammy with me to Western Samoa, she would have to
undergo a six-month quarantine. We had hardly been separated in the years
since she walked into the library at The Seeing Eye at Mr. b.’s heels.
She would never survive being locked in a cage and left among strangers.
Even leaving her with friends for an occasional overnight caused her to refuse
her food unless I left something of mine with her. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">When I left Tammy to attend an opera or
concert, to avoid her attempts to sing along, I hired a person familiar to her
to dog sit. One sitter I had used was a schoolteacher who attended our
church when we lived in Sonora.
Her youngest child was leaving for college. She worried about living
alone. When she heard I was considering retirement for Tammy, Doris got permission from the principal of her school to
allow Tammy to accompany her to class. This seemed the best solution for
my girl. She could go to work with Doris
each day and be with her to keep her empty home from becoming a lonely
place. I wouldn’t have to figure out how to care for Tammy’s medical
needs or what to feed her in a third world nation; where commercial dog food
and modern veterinary care were unavailable.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">The hardest part of being a dog guide
handler is the partings. Whether your dog becomes too old, too ill or
just doesn’t handle the stress and responsibility of guiding a blind person
well, it is painful to say good-by to your dearest friend. I was eager to
serve my country. I wanted to pay back a little for the advantages I had
been given because I was fortunate enough to be born in a wealthy nation.
I felt that helping less fortunate blind people was a worthwhile project.
I also knew that at eight years old, Tammy would soon be slowing down as she
aged. It wouldn’t be fair to subject her to life in a foreign country.
She had given me so much in our time together that rewarding her love and
loyalty seemed the only right course of action. She deserved a comfortable
retirement surrounded by love and proper care. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:1.0in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">As I packed up her familiar rug, dishes and
toys. I hoped she would enjoy her new home. Perhaps she believed I was
just going to leave her with her friend Doris for another overnight stay.
I was the one fighting back tears as we drove away.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:111.0pt;text-align:justify;
text-indent:-.25in;line-height:200%;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list 111.0pt"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Here is where the body of the book should
end. Then there should be<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>both poems in
their special after-chapter. They are a continuation<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>of saying goodbye,<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But right here, before anything else, the
story crescendos.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You leave your readers
in tears.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The poems are an encore.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:111.0pt;text-align:justify;
text-indent:-.25in;line-height:200%;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list 111.0pt"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>The following paragraph is more like
information giving. It is important, but does not belong in a place where the
readers have just had an emotional experience.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>It needs a special after-chapter where the reader is ready to read notes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I would liken my idea to what happens after
a true story in cinema where more is said or written about the story just
experienced.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I would include the notes
on Tammy’s final days in the same section. </u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="text-align:justify;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">
There is always something special about a first guide dog. She is the
one that teaches you to trust in her judgment. She is the one that first
gives you that sense of freedom to move safely along busy streets and to
go where you want to, when you want to. Even when you are lost or
momentarily confused, you don’t have to be afraid, because you are not
alone. You have a friend to share the task of figuring out where you are
and the adventure of getting back on track. What might have been
terrifying if you had to deal with it alone becomes something you shoulder
together. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">My beautiful girl Tammy died of a kidney
disease before my return from the Peace Corps. I wish I had been there to
hold her and tell her how much a difference she made in my life as she left
this world. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">The best I could do was compose this poem:</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I Wasn't There</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When I stepped from the shelter of my family's love,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there walking at my side.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When I struggled to keep my footing</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">In the shifting sands of college life,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there keeping me grounded.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When my parents moved away </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Leaving me miles behind at school,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there to be hugged tightly in my lonliness.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When a friend betrayed my trust,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">And I doubted any purpose to my life,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there with your head in my lap as I cried.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When I walked down the aisle,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">To join my life with another's.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there as I said my vows.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When I left school at long last,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">To take up my first job.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were there to lend me confidence.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When I joined the Peace Corps</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">To pay my debt to my country,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You were not there for the first time.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">So when you left this world,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Thousands of miles away.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I walked on the beach without you.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Remembering the things we had shared.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">My heart was breaking, </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Because I wasn't there. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%">Tammy gave me so much in our seven years
together. She guided me safely through busy streets and stressful
situations I wouldn’t have had the courage to face alone. Tammy shared
times of sorrow, fear and self-doubt. She brought me moments of laughter
and joy. What price is all we shared worth? How can anyone put a
dollar value on such richness of living? If dogs go to heaven, (and
surely guide dogs must) then I know that one of the first loved ones to greet
me, will have a wagging otter tail and loving amber eyes.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Loving amber eyes,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Your sunlight glow warms my soul.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">When my unseeing gaze falls upon you,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">You acknowledge me with a joyful thump of your tail.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">I can step into the street with confidence,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Knowing that you have lent me the gift of your sight.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">And determined that we are safe to cross.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"><b> </b></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">I need not fear the sound of the stranger’s step,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Drawing ever nearer in the night.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">For my gentle playmate and friend,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Can turn in an instant into the wolf spirit,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">And the golden gaze that warms me with its loving glow,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Can blaze with a feral glare,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Daring anyone to cross the barrier of your body to cause me
harm. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%"><b> </b></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">You wash away or absorb my tears into your glossy coat,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Whenever others disappoint or burden me with sorrow.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">You teach me to greet each day anew,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">With fresh delight and expectation.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">You are my loving amber eyes,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">Ever ready to scout the smoothest path for my feet to
follow. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
line-height:200%">And fill my life with love from the depths of your dutiful
amber eyes.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="text-align:center;text-indent:
.5in" align="center"> Each
of my lovely dogs has taught me lessons I could apply to other aspects of my
life. From Tammy I learned to live for today and to fearlessly greet each
new experience. I am currently working with my ninth guide from The
Seeing Eye, and it still doesn’t get any easier when the time comes to end a
working partnership. The years have flown by, since the day we dropped Tammy
off at our friend Doris’s home. Eight successor dogs have taken up their
stations at my left side. Each dog shouldered the responsibility of
guiding to the best of his or her ability. Each brought a savor and
enjoyment to my life with their companionship. They walked beside me for
a while, sharing my journey, helping me to meet and overcome the challenges
inherent in being a blind woman. From each dog, I learned lessons that
have enriched my life.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Calibri"> </span></p>
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