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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:center;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>1,933 words<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:center;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Chapter 16.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Saying good-bye<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>After losing my first job, I was restless. I cleaned the house, went for walks and volunteered my time as an unpaid teacher’s aide in a class for visually impaired children. I applied to attend graduate school at San Jose State. Before enrolling, Curt, Tammy and I happened to be in San Francisco for the day. We stumbled upon an Action Office. On impulse Curt and I filled-out forms to join the United States Peace Corps. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Two months later I received an offer to go to the Arab Republic of Yemen to teach in a German run mission school for blind children. I didn’t have a teaching credential. The only teaching I had done was as an aide in resource rooms for disabled children. While still attending college, I had worked with recently blinded adults, one-on-one as a contract teacher of independent living skills for the California Department of Rehabilitation. I asked for the weekend to think it over.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Curtis and I went to the library to find out if they had any material about this tiny Arab nation. We discovered that they had only opened contact with the western world in the late fifties. We took a long walk on the beach at Santa Cruz. It was our favorite place to go when we wanted to talk over difficult decisions. This was a big one and would mean so many changes in our lives. Curt was teaching in a school district with declining enrollment. Each spring he was let go and he was rehired each fall. The possibility of getting tenure was very unlikely. The Peace Corps was willing for him to accompany me to my station and to find him a job once we arrived. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>This attitude was very flattering to my bruised ego. The Peace Corps wanted me! But did I really want to go to an Arab country where women had such low status? How would I handle the intense heat? Would I have to wear a veil and be a submissive little mouse? That wasn’t at all my style. I had warned Curtis before agreeing to be engaged, that I was a spoiled brat, used to getting my own way and would probably not improve over time. I worked hard not to trample over his gentle nature in pursuit of my goals. How would I handle living in a country where expectations were so low for the blind and rigid about the proper roles for women?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>By Monday, I was still unsure of my decision. Then the placement officer from Washington D.C. called back with a second offer. She had found another request from The Western Samoan Association for the Blind. They too needed a teacher to work in a school with approximately thirty blind children. I could picture myself beneath a palm tree on a sandy beach more easily than wearing a veil and sitting astride a camel. I agreed to take the position. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>The scramble was on for our little family. We had to arrange for the sale of our mobile home, store our furniture, and find a home for our cat. Curt had to let his principal know that he needed to look for a replacement for the remainder of the school year. Hardest of all for me was deciding what to do about my wonderful faithful partner in crime Tammy.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>She had become so much a part of my life it was impossible to imagine going on without her. She was the one I could always count on to understand my every mood. Tammy had guided me through four years of college to get my degree and a fifth year toward a Master’s degree. She had been at my side as I struggled in a less than friendly work environment on my first fulltime job. For over six years, she had been a constant companion and friend. She was more than just a dog. She was almost my alter ego. She was an extension of me. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Tammy would turn eight on her next birthday. The years had flown by as we went about the task of living. Her guiding skill was so flawless that I seldom needed to do more than give a quiet word of disapproval to correct any false move. Walking with her had almost become like dancing with a really talented partner. Our automatic adjustments to each other's movements were so fluid and graceful, that commands were almost unnecessary.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>If I took Tammy with me to Western Samoa, she would have to undergo a six-month quarantine. We had hardly been separated in the years since she walked into the library at The Seeing Eye at Mr. b.’s heels. She would never survive being locked in a cage and left among strangers. Even leaving her with friends for an occasional overnight caused her to refuse her food unless I left something of mine with her. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>When I left Tammy to attend an opera or concert, to avoid her attempts to sing along, I hired a person familiar to her to dog sit. One sitter I had used was a schoolteacher who attended our church when we lived in Sonora. Her youngest child was leaving for college. She worried about living alone. When she heard I was considering retirement for Tammy, Doris got permission from the principal of her school to allow Tammy to accompany her to class. This seemed the best solution for my girl. She could go to work with Doris each day and be with her to keep her empty home from becoming a lonely place. I wouldn’t have to figure out how to care for Tammy’s medical needs or what to feed her in a third world nation; where commercial dog food and modern veterinary care were unavailable.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>The hardest part of being a dog guide handler is the partings. Whether your dog becomes too old, too ill or just doesn’t handle the stress and responsibility of guiding a blind person well, it is painful to say good-by to your dearest friend. I was eager to serve my country. I wanted to pay back a little for the advantages I had been given because I was fortunate enough to be born in a wealthy nation. I felt that helping less fortunate blind people was a worthwhile project. I also knew that at eight years old, Tammy would soon be slowing down as she aged. It wouldn’t be fair to subject her to life in a foreign country. She had given me so much in our time together that rewarding her love and loyalty seemed the only right course of action. She deserved a comfortable retirement surrounded by love and proper care. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:1.0in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>As I packed up her familiar rug, dishes and toys. I hoped she would enjoy her new home. Perhaps she believed I was just going to leave her with her friend Doris for another overnight stay. I was the one fighting back tears as we drove away.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'> There is always something special about a first guide dog. <span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>She is the one that teaches you to trust in her judgment. She is the one that first gives you that sense of freedom to move safely along busy streets and to go where you want to, when you want to. Even when you are lost or momentarily confused, you don’t have to be afraid, because you are not alone. You have a friend to share the task of figuring out where you are and the adventure of getting back on track. What might have been terrifying if you had to deal with it alone becomes something you shoulder together. </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>My beautiful girl Tammy died of a kidney disease before my return from the Peace Corps. I wish I had been there to hold her and tell her how much a difference she made in my life as she left this world. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>The best I could do was compose this poem:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>I Wasn't There<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When I stepped from the shelter of my family's love,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there walking at my side.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When I struggled to keep my footing<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In the shifting sands of college life,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there keeping me grounded.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When my parents moved away <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Leaving me miles behind at school,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there to be hugged tightly in my lonliness.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When a friend betrayed my trust,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>And I doubted any purpose to my life,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there with your head in my lap as I cried.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When I walked down the aisle,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To join my life with another's.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there as I said my vows.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When I left school at long last,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To take up my first job.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were there to lend me confidence.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When I joined the Peace Corps<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>To pay my debt to my country,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You were not there for the first time.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>So when you left this world,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Thousands of miles away.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I walked on the beach without you.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Remembering the things we had shared.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>My heart was breaking, <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Because I wasn't there. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Tammy gave me so much in our seven years together. She guided me safely through busy streets and stressful situations I wouldn’t have had the courage to face alone. Tammy shared times of sorrow, fear and self-doubt. She brought me moments of laughter and joy. What price is all we shared worth? How can anyone put a dollar value on such richness of living? If dogs go to heaven, (and surely guide dogs must) then I know that one of the first loved ones to greet me, will have a wagging otter tail and loving amber eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Loving amber eyes,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Your sunlight glow warms my soul.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>When my unseeing gaze falls upon you,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>You acknowledge me with a joyful thump of your tail.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>I can step into the street with confidence,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Knowing that you have lent me the gift of your sight.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>And determined that we are safe to cross.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><b><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>I need not fear the sound of the stranger’s step,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Drawing ever nearer in the night.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>For my gentle playmate and friend,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Can turn in an instant into the wolf spirit,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>And the golden gaze that warms me with its loving glow,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Can blaze with a feral glare,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Daring anyone to cross the barrier of your body to cause me harm. <b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><b><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>You wash away or absorb my tears into your glossy coat,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Whenever others disappoint or burden me with sorrow.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>You teach me to greet each day anew,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>With fresh delight and expectation.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>You are my loving amber eyes,<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Ever ready to scout the smoothest path for my feet to follow. <b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;line-height:200%'><span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>And fill my life with love from the depths of your dutiful amber eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in'><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center;text-indent:.5in'><span style='font-size:12.0pt'> Each of my lovely dogs has taught me lessons I could apply to other aspects of my life. From Tammy I learned to live for today and to fearlessly greet each new experience. I am currently working with my ninth guide from The Seeing Eye, and it still doesn’t get any easier when the time comes to end a working partnership. The years have flown by, since the day we dropped Tammy off at our friend Doris’s home. Eight successor dogs have taken up their stations at my left side. Each dog shouldered the responsibility of guiding to the best of his or her ability. Each brought a savor and enjoyment to my life with their companionship. They walked beside me for a while, sharing my journey, helping me to meet and overcome the challenges inherent in being a blind woman. >From each dog, I learned lessons that have enriched my life.<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div></body></html>