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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Leonard<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Not such good days for the women and slaves<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I was Not sure if it’s was a parady on the good old days”<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Add detail for setting: an excavation site one day<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: an archaeological dig under the hot sun in Egypt…(for example)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Extra space between took and it: I took it<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Cute idea – is it a poem?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(more comments because your pieces are longer!)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Style use numbers above nine: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>ten by fifty-five</span><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: 10 by 55<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>He moved in and as wedding gifts arrived, they went into daily use. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: He moved in, and as wedding gifts arrived, they went into daily use. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Hyphenate: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>home to be<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: home-to-be<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Hyphenate: eight place settings of dishes<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: eight-place set of dishes<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Reword “Saturday” (used twice): waiting for my Saturday visit<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: waiting for my weekend visit<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Delete “on”: On the first evening,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: The first evening,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Delete dash: figure-out <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: figure out <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Redundant: meant that it presaged<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: presaged<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Typo: sigh,s<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: sighs,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Insert comma: When I asked how old he thought I was he guessed seventeen. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: When I asked how old he thought I was, he guessed seventeen. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>???: Although reasonably bright, I wasn’t a child genius so must be older than he thought. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Not sure what you are trying to say here…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Reword “some”: I started to do some babysitting for some of them<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: I started babysitting for some of them<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Hyphenate: four year old<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: four-year-old<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt'>When you assemble all the chapters, look for a way to “lead” readers from the end of one chapter to the beginning of the next.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>