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<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Cleora</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"> </b></p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l4 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>The
piece was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Cleverly done. I
like the humor. A lot of poetic license was taken. In this case I think its
okay to do so, but I can’t help pointing out a few things.</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="text-decoration:none"> </span></u></p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l4 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>One
does not just wander in an excavation site. Taking an object from the site
is probably a serious crime.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The
chances of someone just happening upon the alleged find<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>is about as good as a snowball making it
through July in South Florida.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I
believe hieroglyphics refers to Egyptian pictorial writing. The culture
represented in the writing was probably not written in hieroglyphics.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Whatever was written would probably have
been done on clay tablets.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>All my
comments are done tongue in cheek, of course. </u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l4 level1 lfo1;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>The
actual add part is well done. I love it. </u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u><span style="text-decoration:none"> </span></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hunter Man Meals </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">by Sly Duck </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was at an excavation site one day when I chanced upon the
following stone carving tucked away in an prehistoric bag crafted from an
animal skin. After cleaning it, I took it to an hieroglyphics expert friend of
mine. Following is his translation. </p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list:l1 level1 lfo2;tab-stops:list .5in"><u>To
clean such a find would be sacrilegious.</u></li></ul>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">hunter man meals Winter is coming, so don't delay. We'll
catch, dress, and pack your prey. Easy open with knife or spear. everything
from fish to deer. Comes with herb or veggie pouch just throw it together in a
pot or a kettle. Discrete delivery wherever you say. Friends will marvel at
your catch each day. No one will know it's not fresh kill. Others will envy
your apparent hunting skill. Only one gold stone or gem each month. Free coon
skin cap with paid subscription. Don’t delay, sign up today. satisfaction
guaranteed. Full refund on any unopened package less than three days old. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hmm... Seems advertising has always been with us. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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padding:0in;mso-padding-alt:0in 0in 1.0pt 0in"> </p>
</div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"> </b></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:1.0in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:-.25in;mso-list:l3 level1 lfo3;tab-stops:list 1.0in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>As usual, I found this episode to be
charming, funny and engaging.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>One thing
I have noticed in your writing style, at least in this chapter, is an excessive
use of the pronoun, 'she.’ Try to find a greater variation in the way to describe
the action.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A variation in sentence
structure will add to the writing quality. </u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify">Chapter
12.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify">Three’s A
Crowd</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;
text-indent:.5in">Three months before the wedding, Curt’s parents helped him
finance a ten by fifty-five foot trailer for our first home together. He
moved in and as wedding gifts arrived, they went into daily use. Each
Saturday, I went over to clean and straighten up my new home to be. Curt
hated to do dishes because one of his college jobs was as a busboy and
dishwasher in a restaurant. Our eight place settings of dishes were piled
in the sink, waiting for my Saturday visit!</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> When
we returned home from our wedding, Tammy and I moved into the trailer. On
the first evening, I was putting things away when I started to feel decidedly
unwell. As I finished tossing my cookies with Tammy anxiously watching
from the bathroom doorway, the phone rang. Curt had just finished a dash
to the lavatory at school. He had picked up the syllabus for his
chemistry class and was headed home. We couldn’t figure-out whether
it was flu or food poisoning, but we spent the second night as a married couple
taking turns being sick. We decided that surviving our wedding and
beginning our married life with a mutual bug meant that it presaged a happy
marriage. No matter what the future held, it had to go smoother than the
beginning. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> After
three years as a team, a very strong bond united Tammy and me. She had
always liked Curt and began wagging and pulling me toward him whenever we met
on campus. However, she made it quite clear that she thought he should go
home after dinner. She lay on her rug in the corner of the kitchen and
gave mournful sigh,s looking toward her food dish. As long as Curt
remained in the house, she refused to eat. He had to go for an evening
stroll in order for her to touch her dinner. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> One
day when I took her out to relieve her, Tammy began digging a hole. She
had never shown an interest in digging before. I checked to see what she
was up too. She had carried Curt’s tennis shoes outside with her and was
burying them.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> She
continued to greet Curt effusively when we crossed paths at school, but she
turned her face to the corner and ignored him at home. I wondered if all
those psychology classes she had seemed to sleep through hadn’t taught her a
thing or two about behavior modification. Was my girl trying to use
operant conditioning to train Curt to stay at school and leave us to enjoy our
home without a third party?</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> Poor
Curt had run the gauntlet of my friends, who wondered how I could be interested
in such a quiet person. My artistic uncle felt he was too dull for me
because he was a science major. My music professor objected that I was
too young to think of marriage. When I asked how old he thought I was he
guessed seventeen. I pointed out that I had taken that first freshman
music appreciation class two years earlier. Although reasonably bright, I
wasn’t a child genius so must be older than he thought. Now, Curt had to
convince a hardheaded Labrador that he wanted
to take care of us both. He hoped to make her life and job a little
easier.I don’t think she thought she needed any help taking care of me. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify">Tammy
always waited patiently for me to wake each morning to take her out to relieve
her. She soon discovered that Curt couldn’t easily ignore her desire to
go out if she stood on his side of the bed and stared at him at close
range. She was too polite to make a sound or put her paws or head on the
bed. Her anxious breathing and intent stare inches from his sleeping face
never failed to wake him. Making this discovery mollified her a bit about
sharing our home with a third person. She also liked strolling over to the
trailer park office with Curt to get the mail. Since she didn’t have to
guide on these trips, she accompanied Curt carrying her leash in her mouth to
comply with the dog on leash rule. Being the well-behaved lady she was,
she kept the correct at heel position on these walks. </p>
<div style="mso-element:para-border-div;border:none;border-bottom:solid windowtext 1.0pt;
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margin-left:.5in;margin-right:0in">
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="text-align:justify;border:none;mso-border-bottom-alt:
solid windowtext .75pt;padding:0in;mso-padding-alt:0in 0in 1.0pt 0in"> The
people in the trailer park gave a potluck supper for us and decorated a money
tree to celebrate our marriage. Our neighbors were very nice and I
started to do some babysitting for some of them. Tammy enjoyed small
children, but babies made her nervous. She stationed herself near the
baby and if it began to fuss, she raced to find me. She grabbed my hand
in her mouth and pulled me toward the baby. She seemed to be saying,
“Quick, it’s making noises, fix it!” One four year old got so rowdy, that
I was amused to hear Curt order, “Jeannie, sit! Rest!” I told him that
only worked with dog guides. Although Tammy finally accepted that others
would be part of our home, becoming tolerant toward them, She still felt that I
was her special responsibility. The operative word here was “<b>hers!” </b>Even
out of harness, she felt she was on duty. If she thought I was about to trip
over a lawn sprinkler in the yard or bump my shins against a coffee table
indoors, she rushed to take my hand in her mouth to gently guide me around the
danger. If she had been able to talk and was asked what her job was, I think
she would hagve said that she was my keeper!<b> </b></p>
</div>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"><b> </b></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l0 level1 lfo5;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Upon second reading I really like this poem.
But the title does not orient the reader, so it takes a while to get one’s
bearings. I believe a title change could solve the problem. </u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> Velveteen Viviane (an ABC poem)</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Marcia J. Wick, The Write Sisters</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">April 2018</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Word Count: 86 </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Velveteen wings the color of caramel top off your
bright yellow coat.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>I think you need a pause after wings and
caramel. Commas would do nicely. Also, I don’t know you are talking about a dog
until the next sentence. I thought you were referring to a bird at first.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Inviting eyes framed by those soft floppy ears entice
me to walk by your side.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Visions of the trails we will travel gleam through
marble windows from your soul.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>I’m assuming that the kind of marble you are
talking about are the round translucent ones, and not the building
material.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At this point in the poem, I
don’t know that you are talking about a guide dog.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Does the marble refer to the dog’s eyes? Can
you see them?</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Indicating obstacles, you dance a subtle two-step and
we continue on our way.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Now I know we are dealing with a guide dog.
However, someone who isn’t familiar with guide dogs might not get it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Always with an eye on me, we journey like corduroy
side-by-side,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Great line and imagery.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Never one to hesitate, you harness up to lead the
way,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Ever special partners, Viviane earns her belly rub
each day.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Powerful poem. It took me a while to realize
it was a dialogue between the human and her guide dog.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Quotations around each stanza might serve as a
visual cue for the sighted. A further clue </u>might<u> be for the dog to talk
in italics and the human in regular print.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">
</span>I love the complexity of the relationships in the family. It is real.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You and Me</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Good title. I’m thinking that that would
represent the position of both characters.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Marcia J. Wick, The Write Sisters</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I hear you shouting, though I know it’s not at me.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You don’t see me by your side, as you cross your arms
and glare.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">The man who sometimes feeds me is screaming back at
you. </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">When he slams the door, you are not alone.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>Great paragraph. It would have helped if I
knew that the canine was speaking.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You heard me yelling, but I’m not mad at you.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">“Good girl, sweet pea,” I murmur, scratching velvet
ears.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I plunge into the cushion, hoping to be rescued.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>I think you were expecting the dog to rescue
you from your pain, which she did.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">like the Unsinkable Molly Brown,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>I’m wondering why you chose that example.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I plop my furry head onto your bare feet,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Pinning you down for now, for ever.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.25in;
mso-list:l2 level1 lfo4;tab-stops:list .5in"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-fareast-font-family:Symbol;mso-bidi-font-family:
Symbol"><span style="mso-list:Ignore">·<span style="font:7.0pt "Times New Roman"">
</span></span></span><u>What a great line.</u></p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">I roll onto my back, no harness in the way </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">As you stroke my soft belly.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You cover my cold feet with your warm body,</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">There’s no escaping your affection.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">Guiding or playing, Your devotion is true.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal">You soothe my hurting heart.</p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal"> </p>
<p class="aolmailmsonormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"> </b></p>
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