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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Sally Kathy’s Passing<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Should Mass be capitalized?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: While your funeral mass was held,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Too many miles away,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: While your funeral mass was held,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Too many miles away, I sat quietly…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(I rescind this comment following your explanation that the funeral was too many miles away, not you…)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora Sweet Potato Pie<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: One of my big problems is that several years ago I found out I am sensitive<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: I was dismayed to learn several years ago that I am sensitive…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Redundant: a little bit of creativity<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: a little creativity or a bit of creativity<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Use conjunction or break into sentences: …from soy milk, I substituted…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Try: …from soy milk, and I substituted…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Or: …from soy milk. I then substituted…<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Reword: I did not try to substitute stevia in this case; however, you could probably use one-fourth cup fructose or one-half teaspoon liquid stevia if you want to avoid processed sugar completely.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: I did not substitute stevia at this stage; however, you could use one-fourth cup fructose or one-half teaspoon liquid stevia to completely avoid processed sugar.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>List ingredients on separate lines: <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>1 16 oz. can organic sweet potato puree ¾ cup sugar [substituted 1 and one-half teaspoon liquid stevia] ½ tsp nutmeg ¼ tsp ginger<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoPlainText>Try: 1 16 oz. can organic sweet potato puree <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>¾ cup sugar [or substitute 1 and one-half teaspoon liquid stevia] <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>½ tsp nutmeg <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>¼ tsp ginger<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Organization: list ingredients for evaporated milk ahead of directions.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Put alternate directions for evaporated milk after the original recipe<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Serves 6-8 or 4 in my case…clever line but put it in one place (serves 6 to 8 appears twice)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Brackets instead of parentheses?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Good technique to open with a question.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna Chapter 10<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Reword: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>I had spent the time</span><span style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: I spent the time<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>“suffer” repeated: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>While involved in the conflict, my father suffered a serious head injury. It caused him to suffer severe headaches<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: While involved in the conflict, my father suffered a serious head injury. As a result, he endured severe headaches<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Dangling: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>I sometimes took the blame and the punishment for things I hadn’t done to protect them. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: To protect them, I sometimes took the blame and the punishment for things I hadn’t done. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>My father didn’t feel I was sufficiently chastised unless I cried and I was strong willed. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: My father didn’t feel I was sufficiently chastised unless I cried, and I was strong willed. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Punctuation: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Although Tammy showed time and again that she wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt me, she was really quite gentle, even timid in her own defense. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: Tammy showed time and again that she wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt me. She was really quite gentle, even timid in her own defense. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Delete “in”: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>I gained in confidence<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: I gained confidence<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Amazons or Amazon<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>my feet hands and entire body. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: my feet, hands, and entire body. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Eventually I found<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: Eventually, I found<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Transition: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>I let Annie talk me into attending a party for some of the students in a three dimensional art course we were taking together. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>try: Once, I let Annie talk me into attending a party for some of the students in a three dimensional art course we were taking together. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Suddenly with the availability<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'>Try: Suddenly, with the availability<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'>Insert comma: <span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Such an intimate act required some kind of commitment in my estimation. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='margin-left:.5in;text-align:justify;text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%'>Try: <span style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:200%'>Such an intimate act required some kind of commitment, in my estimation. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal>Compound words might need hyphen: strong-willed<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Loud-voiced<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Free-spirited<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:black'>Leonard A Horse’s Touch<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'><span style='color:black'>passing by a wooden rail fence<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal style='mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto'>delete word: <span style='color:black'>passing by a wooden fence<o:p></o:p></span></p></div></body></html>