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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Comments June 14<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal># Conflicts of the Heart<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cleora<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You start the story with a quote and set up the conflict. This draws the reader in right away. You offer background information which helps set up the conflict.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You might want to make a slight change in this sentence.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>She cringed waiting for the blow or at least loud scolding words that would have certainly come from Phil, my former husband. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Maybe change Phil, my former husband to her dad. We already know that Phil is the narrator’s former husband and by saying her dad, we see more clearly the kind of relationship Phil had with his children.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>This sentence might be changed for clarity.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I didn't mention that not only did I have no desire to be a preacher's wife, I also didn't believe the same way.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Maybe I didn't share his religious beliefs, or I had different religious beliefs.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Do you want to have the kids asking her about marriage to Tom and then being eager for her to say yes to Done? Maybe just that the kids got along, she and tom got along but there wasn't any spark.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Maybe in the Section from Don's POV put another sentence about his ambivalence about becoming a minister. Also, maybe after the proposal, if she hesitates, the conversation about her concerns should happen before she says "yes." Send the kids off to see the view, have the conversation and bring them back before she officially says "yes."<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I love the ending where you bring it back around to the proposal for their 50th and the celebration with the adult kids and grandchildren.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal># A Dirty Contribution <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>by Kevin Brown<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>This is hilarious. You managed to bring out all of the gems of family gatherings: the assorted attire of attendees, the food, amazingly bad and good, and quirky behavior of everyone. Your use of adjectives makes this event come to life so that I feel as if I am there, and makes me want to attend something that might be otherwise unpleasant.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>A faint pleasantly thrumming current was underlying the atmosphere at this year's autumn family gathering. Right away, you set up the feeling of an undercurrent of something sure to happen. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Uncle Lenny and his pound cake were the icing on the cake, no pun intended. The chaos that followed is as hilarious as the rest of the piece and Uncle Lenny had the last laugh.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal># Two Good Eyes and Six Strong legs <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Marcia<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I like the description of the day, the amount of preparation involved with getting ready for the walk and the descriptions of the obstacles. I could feel Vivi's exuberance when you started out for the walk. All of the details: the garbage can, bushes, the broken curb, the dog that wasn't out today, made the walk feel real. You might want to add what you are saying "no thank you" to in some places. When you mentioned thinking about family and other events made the walk feel real because our minds frequently wander when walking. I like the big reward for Vivi when she maneuvered around the mound of sand at the end. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>My favorite line is, It’s like a dance; follow the lead and trust your partner.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal># Loving Amber Eyes <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Deanna<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I like the pace of the chapter. Telling the ways that you and the dog needed to learn about each other and the signals and queues to pick up on would be informative to a reader that has not had a dog guide. The play time with the dogs under the table at meal time was cute. I don't think there are too many dogs, trained or otherwise that would pick up a sausage from the floor and hand it to a person. There were some sentences in places that had space runs. If you use Jaws, you can use insert v, and arrow down to text analyzer. Hit space until show all inconsistencies is selected, tab over to okay and hit escape. You can find them and other things about a document that way.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I think the chapter reads well as it is, so maybe you don't want to address the other reason for getting a roommate. Using names of actual people can be funny. Then again, you didn't say anything negative about any of them. If you know an attorney, you might want to ask about that before you send it for publication. If in doubt, change them. Definitely keep the names of the dogs. A ex-Marine answering to Mimi is hilarious.<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>