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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Critiques for 4/4/2017 Group 1<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>DeAnna Noriega <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> Cleora:<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The store is giving one away (for) (change to with) every purchase,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>At home I found (The doesn’t need a capital letter) box was a little large <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I took a deep breath and (open should be opened) the bag<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I looked sadly at the dead bulb<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>(This is the second use of sadly so perhaps you should use mournfully.)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Success may<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>be the next try. This sentence needs revision. Perhaps (Success may reward your next try.)<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Mild humor, nice message.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Bonnie Blose<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>There some formatting oddities, several spaces appear in the email where they shouldn’t<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Did Gladys go back to work at the mill? Or was it then she decided to do housework and ironing? That is a little unclear.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>You will need to Rest and relax as much as you can. The word “Rest” doesn’t need a capital letter.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>On the way home my mother thought about the three children she already had to care for.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>There is a triple space between home and my mother. I think it would be better if you continued to call her Gladys instead of my mother. If you do that, it will make greater impact at the end.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I wonder if the spacing issues are just formatting things when you copied your story from a word or text document into an email?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I would end the sentence with the three children she already had. That way you don’t end the sentence with a preposition.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I’ve managed to put bac a little<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>extra for Pat and Ron.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The word back needs a letter K. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>. bylaws for GDUI and only popped in for a couple of minutes when you were done. Thanks for the critique on my piece. Actually this is the first chapter in an autobiography of my nearly fifty years of working with guide dogs trained at the Seeing Eye. I am not finished with it, but if you are interested I can send you the foreword and continue having pieces of it to look at. It is always hard for me to judge what I write because it is what comes pouring out when I get started. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Warm Regards,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>DeAnna Quietwater Noriega<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><a href="mailto:Quieth2o@socket.net">Quieth2o@socket.net</a><o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Paul hasn’t noticed yet, There are three spaces between Paul and noticed.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>There is a four space gap between the end of the previous sentence and the start of this one. <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>but it’s what he will have to do, “Paul said. The closing quote is spaced away from the comma and against Paul.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The closing quote is against the Gladys instead of against the comma.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Final comments,<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I enjoyed both pieces. My apologies for missing the call. I got stuck on a board call reviewing <o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p></div></body></html>