<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
<HTML xmlns:o = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:st1 =
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"><HEAD>
<META content="text/html; charset=UTF-8" http-equiv=Content-Type>
<META name=GENERATOR content="MSHTML 8.00.6001.23588"></HEAD>
<BODY style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial; COLOR: #000000; FONT-SIZE: 10pt" id=role_body
bottomMargin=7 leftMargin=7 rightMargin=7 topMargin=7><FONT id=role_document
color=#000000 size=2 face=Arial>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT lang=0 size=2 face=Arial FAMILY="SANSSERIF" PTSIZE="10"><B>Leonard
Tuchyner</B><BR>Licensed Professional Counselor<BR>"Writing for Healing &
Growth" Workshop Facilitator<BR>Columnist for <I>Dialogue Magazine</I><BR>Author
of <I>A Journey to Elsewhere: Poetry Through the Seasons of Life</I><A
href="http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Elsewhere-Poetry-Through-Seasons/dp/0989146545/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441270210&sr=8-1&keywords=A+Journey+to+Elsewhere&pebp=1441270215075&perid=1GXN1BSTQ4FERV5NHCXD">
Available on Amazon
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE
style="BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px">
<DIV style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial'; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">
<HR>
From: Tuchyner5@aol.com<BR>To: group1@bluegrasspals.com,
group2@bluegrasspals.com<BR>CC: tuchyner5@aol.com<BR>Sent: 7/9/2016 8:14:34
P.M. Eastern Daylight Time<BR>Subj: critiqued example and some
guidelines<BR></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV><FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" color=#000000
size=2 face=Arial>
<DIV><FONT size=3 face="Times New Roman">
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Hi Groups 1 and 2,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>As I promised, below is a poem
I wrote with the example of a critique done in a sighted poetry critique
group. I was going to send another one which was rather negative, though there
were some useful ideas in it. I thought it would be better to show one that
was balanced between good and could b better. Actually, it’s mostly positive.
But you will find that often your work will be seen in completely different
ways by different people and different groups. </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>This example is only one way
that a critique can be documented. Use whatever approach works for you. </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Don’t forget your dates for our
first session respective to your group. Don’t forget to send in your pieces at
least one week in advance of the meeting. </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I’ll repeat here a few
guidelines. Poetry should not be longer than 50 lines. You can send in a
complete pros piece, but don’t expect everyone to read the whole thing. The
shorter it is, the more likely that is to happen.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Each critic will only be required to
read as many as 2 pages.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If the
writer chooses to send in the whole piece, than that writer can choose which 2
pages he or she wants reviewed. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Remember, because of the
conciseness of poetry, it is the most intensely critiqued.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Usually, pros is less densely
critiqued. The exception to that rule is when I used to hand in papers to my
High School English teacher. It had more red letters on it when she was
finished critiquing it than it had black. </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p>Leonard </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><U>------</U></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><U>Home is Where the Slobber
is </U><U><o:p><SPAN
style="TEXT-DECORATION: none"> </SPAN></o:p></U></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>There is something about
dogs</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>that brings my heart to
hearth.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>These warm-bodied,
hot-breath’d,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>champion shedders of hair</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>have two smells my puny
nose</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>can discern extremely well.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Essence of canine shelter is
one,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>which is friendly as a hearty
fart,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>or a satisfied gurgly burp.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>The other is a toasty aroma</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>that urges me to burry my
snout</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>deeply into a furry soft
ruff.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>In human terms, of early
morning,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I slip downstairs for morning
fare,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>exchange cordial greetings with
Chloe,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>who lies on high “her” alleged
divan,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>resting from early day
ablutions</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>performed outdoors in dewey
dawn.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>We touch noses.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Mine short, white and dry.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Hers, long, black and damp.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>We gaze eye to eye,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>as she checks me out</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>for ill winded odors.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Nothing amiss, I’m
dismissed.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I find a chair still warm from
Barney,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>who’s making a final sentry
snoop</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>in his backyard, duty dog
domain.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I hear the swish of his special
door,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>his stampeding paws speeding up
stairs.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>He presses his head beside my
thigh,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>his brown eyes hidden like a
shy child’s</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>seeking comfort in his father’s
lap.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I scratch his thick scruffy
tawny mane.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>He looks up with puppy soft
liquid orbs.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I buss his muzzle
affectionately.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>He answers with a lightening
quick slurp,</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>deftly catching my formerly dry
nose.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>I won’t wipe that wet softness
of his kiss.</P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=2
face=Arial></FONT></FONT> </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"></FONT> </P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">---------</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">super great title</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I love line one., 2, 3,4</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I’m confused by line 5. I thought you were talking
about dogs smelling something. maybe use the word odor.That would clarify
things maybe. </FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">On line 6, it implies that you like the smell of
everybody’s farts. Are you talking about your own farts. I think you need to
specify it more..</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">On line 8 I think you can come up with a better word
than toasty aroma to describe the aroma of a dog.. But I like what is going on
there in the story.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I like the description of your interaction with<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Chloe<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>and her personality.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">In line 14 Mine short, white and dry. ) Use pale
instead of white.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I like line 17. (<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:State
w:st="on">Ill</st1:State></st1:place> winded odors)</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 18 (Nothing amiss, I’m dismissed.)</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I love that.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">19I find a chair still warm from Barney,</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I like this. it is obvious that Barny is the
favorite</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 20 who’s making a final sentry snoop</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">‘snoop took me out for some reason. Maybe scan is a
better word.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 25 his brown eyes hidden like a shy
child’s</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">I really like this We make our pets into our children
and this really works.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 28 He looks up with puppy soft liquid
orbs.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">You can do better with this. It sounds too
ordnary.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 29 I buss his muzzle affectionately.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">Kiss is better than buss.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">A lot of people wouldn’t know what buss
means.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">line 30 He answers with a lightening quick
slurp,</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">This is perfect</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">32I won’t wipe that wet softness of his
kiss.</FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><o:p><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></o:p></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3
face="Times New Roman">My overall comments are that I like the
interrelationship between the two species connecting, while they share
disconnection of their senses. It doesn’t matter to them.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Basically, that is what I’m reading
from this.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Slightly disconnected
in their understanding, but it doesn’t matter.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>The deeper understanding is there.
</FONT></P></DIV></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV></A></FONT></DIV></FONT></BODY></HTML>